Archive for the ‘Observations’ Category

Sense and Faith

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

This is a funny topic to me.

My restaurant is a bit of a haven for people who love the baby Jesus. A few of my co-workers are going to seminary school to learn all the proper and effective ways to brainwash people with lies.

One of these fellows likes to sometimes intimidate people with talk of religion, and their personal relationship with the Lord. People try to be nice about it, but when every time to are trying to key in a Linguini Frutti di Mare you get hit with another question about the book of Romans, it can get annoying.

So I try to step in as the designated non religious person at my place of employment, and draw these evangelical’s focus away from their intended targets, and on to me where there words are meaningless. So far it’s worked and been super hilarious at the same time.

Last time, after I referenced all those poor cavemen who are in hell because they never had a chance to believe in the baby Jesus since he came long after they were dead; I found out that I work with someone who think the world is less than 3000 years old, and that fills me with more joy that can be counted on 3000 hands.

All this leads me to the following quote, which brought this all out of me in the first place;

People Who Don’t Believe in Evolution but Love Antibiotics

Seriously? Either you believe in science or you don’t. If you want to say sentences to me like “God made the earth 29 years ago out of Billy Graham’s stool” or “Every time you take the morning-after pill, Satan has two orgasms,” then go ahead and stay away from Dr. Syringey O’Medicine, MD, from here on out. Because you know that pill that made your strep throat go away? Science invented that. For you. Hey, why don’t you just pray for God to take care of that root canal? I’ll tell you why: Because God didn’t go to dental school, because dental schools don’t admit people who DON’T EXIST.

This brought me much of the joy. if you’d like to read the funny full article it came from, CLICK HERE.

That’s what I got for now. Should I have another battle of Sense vs. Faith I’ll be sure to put up the box score after the game.

-Ray

Life Is Short

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

Natasha Richardson, wife of Liam Neeson, died the other day when she was out skiing.

She fell down while on the slopes and died from trauma to the head.

First thing to be said, this is another glowing example of why I don’t ski. I have seen too many people get hurt and worse while doing this activity. I used to ski myself, and I had a blast doing it, I was even kinda good at it when I was younger. This all ceased when I saw first hand the dangers involved. My youngest sister slipped while skiing and fell and banged her head full force off of a utility pole, causing severe head trauma, and nearly ending her life. She has never been the same since.

Perhaps this is a formative memory for me, and walking into the hospital room to see her all messed up, not knowing what will happen had a profound impact on how I view life.

This sad situation with Natasha Richardson leads me back to one of my most important beliefs; You only get one chance at this life, and you don’t know how long you got, so strive every day to be the person that you want to be, and stop wasting time on bullshit that holds you back.

Every time I see someone struck down in their prime it reinforces this thought in my own mind. The only regrets I myself have ever had were due to my own inaction.

I will never stop trying, I will never stop fighting, I will never stop believing.

This is the tenet of Almighty Ray

-Ray

Saintly Bullshit

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_vatican_saint

So, the Catholic Church is naming some guy from Hawaii who worked with lepers a saint. The guy took the name Damien and went to Hawaii knowing that he would never return, and died of, guess what, leprosy at the age of 49. He did this in the mid-late 1800′s.

So they off and name this guy a freaking saint? What a joke! Did he do good things and ultimately die as a result? Sure, that’s what happens to religious morons. But to name him a saint? Really?

In order to become a saint you have to perform 2 miracles. Now, since people these days require a little something called PROOF in their miracles, this would seemingly mean that no more saints would ever be named, since, you know, miracles are pretty lies.

Nope, miracles are a whole lot easier to come by when you drop the standard of what constitutes a miracle these days. So, both of his ‘miracles’ consisted of sick people who prayed to him, (Instead of God or Jesus might I add. Unless they prayed to him in addition to others, in which case the miracle distinction loses even more credibility!) and then those sick people got better. 2 times in like the last 150 years that has happened, and so that constitutes 2 ‘miracles’ and so let’s name the dude a saint! Yee-haw!

So here is what I propose. If you are one of my readers and you contract some terminal illness, I would ask that you pray to me to get better. Then if you defy the odds and beat the illness, tell every Catholic figure you meet about your experience. Since that is all it takes to constitute a miracle, I figure I’ll be sainted in the next 50 years!!!

And also you’re welcome for me making you beat your terminal illness and stuff. It really was nothing.

See you idiots in Heaven, I’ll be the one holding the clipboard!!!

-St. Almighty Ray

Ugly People

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

Dude, there are ALOT of ugly people in the world.

I mean, I live in LA, the place where all the beautiful people in the world go to use each other, and even HERE there are loads of hideous folks.

I do not get it. Why do so many people fail to make themselves attractive? Why do so many people give up on life and let it all go? I walk down CityWalk out here and am visually blasted by one ugly person after another. I often think to myself, ‘Hey 250 pound black chick! Did you know when you left the house that you were wearing purple tights, short short cut off jhorts, and a wifebeater shirt that allows your belly folds to hang out over said jhorts? Cause that is not good.’ Or, ‘Hey, Short emo chick, why the hell would you get the word ‘Wonderful’ tattooed onto your chest above your misshapen boobs? And given that, why do you think that the world needs to see it at all times?’ Or even, ‘Hey 45 year old Japanese tourist guy, there is no law saying that your socks need to go up above your kneeline, and your choice to wear them with crocs was a poor one. The yellow shorts and hawaiian shirt seem like Red Carpet choices by comparison!’

Ok, I guess this has slightly devolved into making fun of what people wear at CityWalk. But know that these people are also ugly, so it still fits.

Here is the game that I suggest;
Next time you are walking around take a good look at all the people around you. Aren’t they fucking ugly? Is there a single person in your subway car that you find attractive? Don’t you just want to barf now?

what is truly sad is these ugly people will find other ugly people and make more ugly people. Meanwhile Brad and Angelina are adopting more kids. Ugh, there should be a law forcing them to have like 25 kids to help even out the universal gene pool.

I guess what I’m saying is that we beautiful people need to stick together, and stop messing around with all these ugly people. No, that’s not it. Ok, that’s part of it. I guess that when I moved here I expected the horrible looking people would disappear, but now I see more and more of them every day.

So to all you ugly people out there; Please please please stop it.

Thank You.

-Ray

Punisher: Warzone

Sunday, December 7th, 2008

I had about one of the best days I’ve had since moving to LA yesterday. Do not want to jinx anything, but let’s just say that it could possibly be the breakthrough I’ve been waiting my whole life for. But again, it could also end up being nothing, so thinking too much about it is not the answer.

The culmination of this awesome day was going to see Punisher: Warzone at the late night movie.

What a great way to end a great day!

Frank Castle, aka the Messiah

I am a fan of the Punisher comics, especially the Marvel Knights/Punisher Max issues as penned by Preacher scribe Garth Ennis. This move is totally based on those comics, and for once, the people who made it, get it.

This movie stomps balls. check that, this movie stomps balls, knifes you in the face, and then tells you to clean that shit up and bake it some muffins.

New Titus Punisher is pretty darn good. I was a big fan of Thomas Jane, and what he brought to the table in the last movie. Titus is the right guy in the right film. The Thomas Jane movie had a weird schizophrenia about it, combining scenes of ultra violence with scenes of odd comedy, with John Travolta chewing the scenery. Punisher: Warzone skips out on all that junk.

Not to say that there is no humor in this movie, there is, alot of it. But the humor tends to be dark as gunpowder, and typically involves the Punisher horrifically whupping on people. In other words, AWESOME!!! By the way, if you are not a fan of a little of the ol’ ultraviolence, this movie is not for you. Instead why don’t you go see Twilight with a 13 year old girl you nancy boy.

Let’s check the violence checklist of radness, shall we?

!: Freerunner getting blown up mid roof jump? CHECK!
2: Extremely old man in wheelchair getting beheaded? CHECK!
3: Morbidly obese guy getting his head all exploded? CHECK!
4: Hideous disfigurement caused by an industrial glass crusher? CHECK!
5: Dead mime? NO!

So, 4 out of 5 is not bad. If you like over the top violence, gallows humor, and no apologies, then GO AND SEE THIS MOVIE! I want them to make more of these.

Final verdict: I was howling with glee throughout much of this movie. It started right in the opening scene, and never let up the whole way through. The Punisher comes off as totally insane, but likable, and as vicious as they come. In short, exactly how the Punisher should be.

This movie will be owned by me. I need to see it again, but as it stands right now this movie is in my top 5 favorite movies OF ALL TIME. Yes, that is how awesome that Punisher: Warzone was.

Go see it, now.

-Ray

We have finally made it.

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

If you google the words ‘Penis Heater’, a posted sketch in the forums of this website is the first thing that pops up.

Now granted it’s in a restricted forum relating to that great show, ‘Pop Co’, and you probably won’t be able to read it, but it’s just nice to know that Google is looking out for me.

Huzzah to Google!!!

-Ray

Huh?

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

Here is something I guess I just do not understand;

It is based on this story.

How can you give birth to triplets, yet have them be your Grandkids?

Here is my new rule of life, if it comes out of your vagina, it is your kid. I do not care whose eggs they may have originally belonged to, they are your damn kids.

I mean, what do you tell these kids when they become cognizant? That is your Grandmother, and you developed in her womb and came out of her va-jay-jay. No it doesn’t make any sense, but don’t worry about some bullshit, and go give Grandma a hug!

I’m just sayin, I’m getting tired of the stupid in this world.

-Ray

You’re really voting McCain?

Friday, October 17th, 2008

You are telling me that you think the next great leader of this country is the guy on right?

This picture was not photoshopped or doctored, it did not need to be. It was taken at the end of the last debate.

What a loon.

-Ray

Wanna do it

Friday, October 17th, 2008

I made a life decision today.

I have decided that I really want to toss a dwarf.

Or is it now called Little People tossing?

Anyways, I think that the idea of picking up a midget is already awesome. Maybe it’s a Hollywood thing, but I see the little people around all the time, hell, one lives on my street!

Now, imagine picking one up, and then just tossing the hell out of him! Just throwing him the fuck wherever you feel like!

That could be the greatest joy that life has to offer.

I mean, I already toss full grown human beings on a weekly basis, and there is alot to be said for that. But to toss a dwarf, I defy you to find something more freeing than that!

Ok, that settles it, I gotta find an underground club where this happens, and live my dream.

That is so The Radness!!!

-Ray

A Quick Thought

Monday, October 13th, 2008

I was reading a little back and forth internet rant argument just now, and a Republican friend of mine said the following;

Republicans want you to be successful, but you have to work to get it.

I just question how we can work to be successful when under the last Republican administration all the jobs went away?

-Ray