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So I’m at Jack in the Box (Fast food hamburger place for you midwest folks) on my way home last night. I am getting some monster tacos and jumbo jack burgers, when I am surprised that the woman at the window is talking to me.
“You look happy today for the first time”.
I didn’t know how to react, I just said, “Oh really?”
“Yes, I’ve seen you here about 3 times or so, and usually you are always so sad and quiet, but tonight, you are vibrant and happy, why is that?”
Wow, maybe I am doing better now that I have released and cast away many negative emotions I have been feeling, and expressed them out loud. “I don’t know, it’s funny that you remember me coming here and everything. Plus I thought I’d been loud every time I was here, it’s my nature with fast food.”
“Nah, tonight is different, well anyways, here is your order, have a good night.”
Hmm, yeah, maybe I’m doing better than I thought.

Seriously, I sat down excited to watch Michigan play in it’s bowl game over an overmatched Nebraska team. And through most of it it was true.

The officiating was the worst I have ever seen.

Those turnovers at the end deplorable.

The game awful.

7-5? That is not Michigan football.

Oh well, at least in our worst season in 20 years we are still 2 games better than Michigan State.

here are a couple spots of interest…..

This is the website where you can buy all the great Matt Ernst material, if you haven’t yet, go do it, he is the man, you will love it:
http://www.thewordsmithpress.com/content/products.php?poetid=19

More poetry, if you haven’t watched the clip of Deanna Kulpa performing her version of my big fat cat poem, then you are a sad person. I suggest just d/l it and check it out from your own computer. check it out here:
http://a2slam.com/mov/BigFatCat.mp4

I am scared because people like this really exist:
http://tv.yahoo.com/news/ap/20051227/113572494000.html

Ok, I’m going back to watch Maury now.

-Ray

This is a new poem I just wrote, it might be a song though…..

Nothing Wrong

I have been a fool
Trusting all your lies
you have turned me into
someone I despise

I have never felt so low
I’m just trying to get along
yet you sit there in your ivory tower
pretend that you did nothing wrong

use me and bruise me and throw me away
was this your plan the whole time?
my heart has just been locked away
yet it’s commited no crime

Lies are when you don’t tell the whole truth
deceit is when you mislead
you take and take and never give
unpunished will go no good deeds

I have never felt so low
I’m just trying to get along
yet you sit there in your ivory tower
pretend that you did nothing wrong

Why couldn’t you ever turn away
the attention that came your way?
was I not good enough for you
or did you never plan to stay

I offered everything I could
to your needy little heart
only to find out after all
your love was false from the start

how can you profess to care
about anything I do
I loved with passion eternally
yet now feel I never met you

I have never felt so low
I’m just trying to get along
yet you sit there in your ivory tower
pretend that you did nothing wrong

I have cursed and I have fought
just to taste my own bile
your words and deeds have flattened me
yet you offer up denial

Why did I ever fight so hard
just to get another night
I thought you were a worthy prize
you’ve shown I wasn’t right

tried so hard to make me run
your favorite sabatogue
there is no truth there is no right
just layers of camouflage

there would have been no you and me
If I’d known your heart was sharing
I must be the biggest sap
because I can’t stop caring

I have never felt so low
I’m just trying to get along
yet you sit there in your ivory tower
pretend that you did nothing wrong

Wow, this holiday blows. Nothing like an empty apartment on the most festive of all holidays! I LOVE Christmas, it is my favorite time ofthe entire year, but this year blows. I’d drink but I still have a hangover from last night, ugh. And that 40 of OE800 is looking way tempting….

Anyways, thanks to all the people who have texted or IM’d me today. I really appreciate the love fest I’ve been getting.

Also my Grandmother telling me that getting an e-mail from me made her whole holiday was one of the nicest things ever said to me.

I had a dream last night where the weight of everything I’ve been going through and dealing with came crushing down on me and finished me, and in my dream I was crying like a baby. I’m not sure what any of that means but I’m glad it happened in my dream and not in real life, that would make me less of a man!

Ok, I’m starting to feel sappy and stupid so I’m going to cut it off here.

Happy Holidays to one and all.

-Ray

Well, I didn’t get to see the game today, but I did catch the highlights. It seems clear to me that Your Detroit Lions are the most dominant football team in the history of the universe. 13-12 in a tough road victory over an impressive Saints team. Whew, it seems clear that not only should Millen not be fired, but be given another 5 year extension on top of the one he already got!

Or not.

When the only highlight of the game is the team in disarray trying to figure out if it wants to spike it or go for the field goal at the end. Then rushing the field goal team onto the field with a few seconds to go and barely getting the points to win, I think that says it all right there.

Oh well, maybe a miracle will happen and they will beat the Steelers next week and finish 6-10, the same record they had last year.

What would be better is if they just stop now and save us the trouble and let us get to the offseason quicker. Please let that get here so I can get excited about next year already!

-Ray

Well, here we go, the weekend I have been dreading since before I moved here. Christmas weekend.
This is likely to be a little rough, or really rough. As the day approaches it feels like it will be harder to be away from everyone. Not even the people I would normally see on Christmas, but the people I would be seeing around the holiday as well. But I know now in my new home that this will not happen, and I will just have to accept it.
Oh well, I feel like I’m being a whiny little B in this post so I will end it. Just think of me on Christmas day, I will be thinking about all of you.

-Ray

My thoughts on rebuy tournaments.

FUCKING GARBAGE

If you have a bunch of money with you and don’t care about how much you throw away, play in these tourneys, they are for you! If you enjoy having a certain level of skill and challenging yourself through poker, don’t play in these tourneys.

I mean, we started with 300 in chips and blinds of 25/50. The first rebuy was for 1,500 in chips! What crap, so basically the buy in is for 50 bucks or so. And after almost every hand at my table for the first hour, at least one player way yelling REBUY REBUY REBUY!!!

So I sat back not rebuying a single time after the first, and played super tight for the first hour while everyone else around me acted like the game was free and threw their chips around with reckless abandon. So these morons were building huge stacks and then losing them to each other while I sat back and eventually became the short stack by default, as I saw nothing but total garbage hands for basically the whole time.

So by playing correct poker and not wildly flinging chips around like a tard I ended up with less of a chance to win, HUH???

Worst was after the first hour the rebuys ended and we were allowed one more add-on of 2,000 in chips. I was at 4,000+ in chips at this time. The jackass 2 seats down from me was playing retarded and busted out on the last hand before the break. So he calmly pulled out 50 more bucks and suddenly he had 3,500 in chips again! So in other words by playing like a total rube his odds of winning were now only slightly less than mine! At this time I knew it was crap.

Following the break I got very unlucky as I got hit for a smalland big blind at my table. Just when I was getting happy about being on the button they shut my table down and moved us all. The table I moved to put me right back in the big blind again, this time with a blind amount increase! So I had 4 blinds in a row, that hurt.

I ended up with A8 suited in on of those blinds when a guy when all in behind me for like 1,700 or so, and I called, he had KK and won the hand with 3 of a kind.

So I was crippled with about 2,800 or so left when I got A5 in the next hand. A guy put in a weak ass raise of just 1,000 before the flop, and I knew he was weak so I moved all in as the only person to call him. He had 89 suited. Need I tell you what happened? He caught his 9 on the turn and I was out of the tourney, another medium bad beat story to share. At least I got in my money with the best hand, even if it was only 60/40 in my favor.

Brandon caught enough cards to finish in 5th place and finished in the money! For the record that guy that bought back in for 3,500 finished 6th and Brandon knocked him out on the bubble, that was cool.

So anyways I have learned a valuable lesson about how now all poker tournaments are created equal, and will now limit myself to just the smart ones. Next Wednesday I can get into a 1 rebuy 100$ tourney at the same place for only 50$! So I think I will do that, details to follow, I will see a fortune won in cards yet.

-Ray

Eh, another solid day at work, after another interesting day.

The big highlight is that tomorrow morning at 11am (2pm est) I will be going to Normandie Casino here and playing in my first casino No Limit Texas hold em tourney with Brandon. The buy in is only 30 bucks, so no great risk on my part. There is another tourney at 7pm which has a 100 dollar buy in and atop prize of 10,000 bucks guaranteed. Now that would be hot! I am not sure if I will play in the 2nd one, I think it will all depend on how I do in the first one.

anyways, send me some positive mojo at this time, because I don’t want to take any bad beats! I am sure I will give a wrap up when I get home from the events. I am very fired up for this though, I just hope that doesn;t make me play stupid. My plan is to sit back and play very conservatively for the first couple hours while the tards knock each other around, then get in there and make some moves when the time feels right.

And if I see any celebrities at my tables I will be sure to harass the crap out of them in the funniest way I can.

-Ray

no seriously, the fucking ocean. I mean, it rules all. I got a little loaded tonight and went out to the ocean with Brandon at 2am. We just ran around the beach for a half hour watching the waves crash and enjoying the piss out of it. It is a moving experience, I went 3 times today. The plan is for tomorrow to grab a 6 or 12 pack and go down there after work and just chill and drink and develop a love of nature.

I can’t express enough how amazing it is. The Detroit River just doesn’t compare. I may be upset over a bunch of shit at the moment, but just being here and well, being here makes me feel like I will overcome.

I have a destiny here that I can feel, and nothing will stand in the way of that. Nothing.

I mean, god damn, the fucking ocean. Word.

-Ray