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I swear to god, sometimes I feel like a plaguebearer, shed from society. Maybe I have some sort of undiagnosed social anxiety disorder. I don’t know. But there are many times I feel like an outcast. I think that is probably normal for being out here essentially by myself flapping in the breeze, not knowing anybody, but it’s insane, there is a whole world of stuff that is going on around me, every day something else, but I have no idea what or where til it’s over, and it blows.

In the month or so before I left for here, I felt like someone dying of a terminal illness. I went to a bunch of places for the last time, people said goodbye, I was constantly asked questions like, ‘how much time you got left?’ plans were made for life without me.

Now I am here, and I know that this is where I must be, this is where I was meant to be. I will not fail, and I will not retreat. The life I want is not one for the weak, and a weak person will not be able to climb that mountain, I will.

In the meantime life goes on. I know that in the end everything will be worth it, and I have ALOT of adjusting to do in many ways. But god damn it, it is hard to get started.

-Ray

You’re Nice
I’m Nice
But I can;t get my tongue untied
In my mind the words are right
In my mouth, they’re wrong

Saturday Nights I spend at home
Watchin movies all alone
I don’t have anyone to hold
so i hold myself

0 for 1
o for 2
o for 3
o for 4

I dress for success
but success is not impressed
when i strike, i strike out
when i swing i walk

drop a hint
drop a line
what’s your number?
what’s your sign?

No matter how hard i try
i don’t get a bite

o for 1
0 for 2
o for 3
o for 4, 5, 6, 7
4, 5, 6, 7
4, 5 ,6,7
8!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are my type
if you are alive
i need someone to fill my bed
i need, i need a friend
i’m an insect i’m a pest,
always buzzing around you head
i’d love to whisper in your ear
but i can’t get near

o for 1
o for 2
o for 3
o for 4
5, 6, 7
4, 5, 6, 7,
4, 5, 6, 7,
4, 5, 6, 7,
4, 5, 6, 7,
4, 5, 6, 7,
8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Poster Children ‘0 for 1′

The past week and a half or so have not filled me with hope. I know I am great, and in time others will fall in line. Don’t they understand I have discerning tastes? And when I give them a chance it’s because I have chosen them, and not the other way around? Oh well, once I have the money and the fame I shall make them all pay for their transgressions. Does any of this make sense? I am not sure, however I am very drunk. Jim Beam and Shasta Cola is good. I wish I had Faygo, however nobody from Michigan has shown me any love yet on this regard. Don’t they understand how easy it will be to make my 2006? Oh well, I suppose I shall just keep going, the beat moves on.

I never ask myself, who will get what it is I do and who I am

I always say the right people will get what it is I do and who I am.

Good for them. I love them.

Ok, be good, if you can’t be good be safe, and if you can’t be safe then have fun!

-Ray

Happy St. Patricks day! Or, as I call it, Amateur Night! Today is the day where people that never go out all year plug themselves into some bar somewhere and drink way more than they are able to. Since these people don’t know how to drink responsibly or how to act in public, they punctuate the evening by getting into fights and crashing into each other on the road, yay!

I just hope everyone I like is safe tonight, and makes it home ok at the end of the night. And if I don’t like you, then do what you feel like!

I take a moment every St. Patricks day to reflect on Anna Bondie, a girl I went to high school with who was killed on this day by a drunk driver while on her way back to college.

I myself have to work tonight, and so therefore am likely to miss out on all the festivities that the evening shall bring, thankfully I don’t live solely for the purpose of having sex with someone I’ve never met before, so I think I’ll be ok missing out.

Ok, happy Amateur Night everyone!

-Ray

So I am sitting here jamming on my bass guitar, trying to focus my creative and undying energy on something productive. I on a whim decided to try and learn some Rammstein songs. Wouldn;t you know it, they are not that hard to learn!!! So now I am jamming out with the songs Du Hast and Rammstein. Oh man, soooo good. I wonder if they do ICP tabs on here?

Hmm, I wonder if my neighbors will be pissed that I am jamming full amp with my bass guitar to Rammstein at 2:30 am? Oh well, fuck em, their only job to avoid pissing me off, so far mission accomplished!

-Ray

Damn, I am one sexy brute.

People come up to me on the street and say, ‘damn, Almighty Ray, my personal Savior, how did you get to be so sexy?’

I always say, ‘well smaller person, must be genetics.’

I wear designer genes.

I once had some boorish fellow tell me as I was eating a ham sandwich, ‘You are what you eat!’

I responded with, ‘Well, maybe that explains why you are such a big dick.’

People are always trying get me down. It is sad, they see some amazing guy like myself, and since they are so miserable inside, they feel like they must dampen my spirit to continue on with their own pitiful existence.

Thankfully I rule. And knowing this affords me the luxury of not caring what those sad souls do.

The problem with people is that eventually either they will let you down, or you will let them down. I say take initiative and be the aggressor!

Oh man, I got a bottle of this take off captain morganesque rum called Sailor Jerry. It is 92 proof. I been drinking it tonight. It is good.

I need to get new headshots, that would be nice.

I haven’t been in a casino for about 1.5 months. That is sad, I think it’s time to get back. But not now, I be loaded, not a good idea to put money at risk while drunk.

Ok, I go now, I need to move around, moving around is good.

-Ray

So, tonight is Val’s last night here in LA, I hope she had a good time, and it wasn;t too boring for her. Then again she did get to go see Motorhead play in concert, so that should override any boring memories, lol.

So tonight I am cooking a whole mess of stuff and inviting over some of my friends out here to help eat it. I think that is fair. I shall be making my usual spread of food, details to follow, cause I haven’t officialised anything. Plus it’s more fun to surprise! Yay!

Speaking of the Oscars, I got to play a fun game last sunday night. Whenever I saw an older actor up on the screen I walked up behind some random person and said, “Oh man, Cuba Gooding jr. has really let himself go.” To which they would stare at me and say something like, “Dude, that’s Samuel L Jackson.” And I would just walk away. I have fun.

Ok, that is all for now, groceries have been bought, and I am getting ready to prep, this shall be enjoyable, especially the eating part!

-Ray

So we’ve had an off again on again bout with boringness since Val got here Saturday night.

Sunday = boring, I worked and had a SHITTY shift during the Academy Awards, one of my worst ever. Nothing exciting happened.

Monday = boring. I am glad Val is all about boring this week. We went out and ate at some Mexican joint right near Buca, I got the big filling ‘the works’ burrito, and could barely mess with it. I then took a post lunch nap, and nothing much happened the rest of the day, wow, I suck.

Tuesday = Not boring. We had breakfast at the ORIGINAL PANCAKE HOUSE! This was hugely exciting, yet another place I haven;t been to around here yet. We left in the early afternoon to go see a taping of the Late Night Carson Daly show in Hollywood. He taped 1.5 episodes on our shift. So if you watched Tuesday night, you saw part of me involved, wow! Following that we met up with my new friend Rachel at House of Blues where we saw a metal show headlined by Motorhead. You may know Motorhead as the band that did HHH’s theme song from the WWE. They flatly kicked ass, I worked my way up to the 2nd row in the mosh pit, while Val hung at the back and ate fries. Sounded good to me! Somewhere we lost Rachel. Supposedly we were supposed to try and hook up with her after the show, but after like 30 minutes of waiting we gave up. I mean, there is a limit to everything, am I some kind of bitch or something? So we will see where that goes.

anyways, now I prepare for a Wednesday of more boringness, Thursday I am having a bunch of peeps over here so I can cook for them, it will rule, I can cook like a mofo. I am really looking forward to this.

Friday Val leaves and goes back to Grand Rapids to her normal life, sadness, oh well, at least you should all be jealous cause she got the spend a week with this much man. Who wants to come out here next?

-Ray

So, I am in the midst of another exciting weekend of fun and joy.

My friend from home Val is coming to town tonight to stay for the week. Her aunt offered to buy her a plane ticket anywhere she wanted to go on vacation, and she chose to come here and hang with me, that is so nice. I’m sure if I lived in frigid Minnesota she’d have made the same decision!

I pulled out my bass guitar and found all the necessary stuff to play it again. So now I have blisters on my fingers again, WOOT! However, I am able to jam to some They Might Be Giants songs. I still can;t really play very well, but who knows, I am sure if I hang with it long enough, I’ll become mediocre, and that is really all I am hoping for.

Last night was solid, a quick night of work where I made everything and more than I was hoping to. It’s nice to have days like that once in a while where things are nice and easy and go as I want them to. I’ll take about 300 more of those please this year.

Well, it’s been a little hectic, I am trying to get this place sorta clean-er for when Val gets here, I still don’t have much of an idea what this upcoming week will entail, I’m sure it will all be good though.

Ok, off to work now, time for more of the fun, yay!

-Ray

So I got my hair dyed today. I have never done anything like it before, it is just crazyness! Well, I didn’t end up doing anything too wild, kind of more brownish with an auburn tint, darker for sure. I don’t know, it just seems darker, I haven’t noticed too much of a true change, maybe I’ll go dirty blonde next time, heh.

Right now I am watching a game from the world baseball classic. I still don’t know if I dig it or not, however watching teams from other countries play is kinda cool. Honestly I don’t think that the real purpose behind this competition is for the Americans. Even though we are organizing it and putting it on, it is really about promoting the game of baseball in other countries, and maybe sparking interest throughout the rest of the world. In my mind baseball is a perfect game, and anything that maybe puts the game is a light that people around the world can see can;t be a bad thing. Hmm, maybe this all means I am down, we shall see.

Well, I’m working Friday-Sunday so it’s time to bear down and pay some bills, I’m sure I’ll have plenty more fun stories soon enough. I don’t know, I think this post is kinda boring, but what do I know, I’m just some guy.

-Ray