Archive for March, 2007

Baseball Prediction Time!!!

Friday, March 30th, 2007

Well, it’s that time of year again! Opening day is just around the corner, and I’m spending the next 2 early mornings building championship fantasy baseball teams.

So I thought it was time to predict for all of you the winners of the baseball world…..

AL East: Boston
AL Central: Detroit
AL West: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Wild Card: New York

NL East: New York
NL Central: Chicago
NL West: Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles
Wild Card: Milwaukee

World Series: Detroit defeats Los Angeles with Kirk Gibson as special guest referee.

Ok Milwaukee, I’m giving you guys another chance, on paper you guys look awesome, don’t make me look like a fool again this year. Also, any sports person who says that Cleveland is obviously a way better team than Detroit should have their commentator’s card taken from them, as they are clearly CUI. Commentating Under the Influence if you couldn’t figure it out.

-Ray

Looking for a donut

Tuesday, March 27th, 2007

So here I am, it was 3AM last night. I am craving some late night fresh donuts.

I look at Dunkin Donuts’ website for the store locater, nothing. No ‘restaurant’ anywhere near me. So naturally I look to the internet to help me. I type in www.findadonut.com expecting that naturally there would be some sort of national donut store locater to help me.

NOTHING!

So on a whim I go to register.com and look it up. Nobody even owns the rights to www.findadonut.com!!!

So I am leaving it up to you the American entrepeneur, my money making internet nugget is there on the table for public consumption. Buy up findadonut.com and create a unique donut store finding tool for the people to enjoy.

And then toss me a few bucks for the idea. This is time stamped you know!

-Ray

Candy Bar Fascism

Sunday, March 25th, 2007

Just something irritating me.

When we were all kids, we’d always get asked the same questions. Sometimes I see these questions in online survey’s or ‘learn a little about me’ things on Myspace.

But the question, “What is your favorite candy bar” started bothering me today.

Why do I have to have a favorite? I mean when I was a kid, I used to love 3 Musketeers bars and ate them all the time because they were my favorite. Now, I don’t really care for them anymore. But why do I have to pick one candy bar above all others? Can’t I just agree that they are all delicious and enjoy whichever fits my feeling at that particular moment? Why do we force kids to make irrelevant choices? Is this the way that we force them to forge their own identity?

I don’t know, it just annoys me.

-Ray

I don’t get it

Thursday, March 22nd, 2007

What is the reason why Bush won’t let Rove talk under oath?

These same people forced a sitting president to go under oath to try and embarrass him about an affair, and then once they did that they tried to impeach him about it.

Yet now suddenly getting Rove to admit his immoral and potentially illegal handling of the attourneys scandal is off limits?

I don’t get why Bush seems to think that letting him lie with no consequence is the stronger choice for this country? Where do these people get the nerve? Oh yeah, that is right, they gave up being non-corrupt and awful years and years ago.

Can we fast forward to 2 years from now when the new administration will open all the books and records and hold open hearings into the corruption of this current administration, and then throw the lot of them in federal prison? That will be a good day.

-Ray

Cut it out Jordan!

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007

Why does Michael Jordan hate Kevin Bacon?

I’ve seen this commercial for Haines brand clothing for a while now, and it’s always bugged me.

It starts innocuosly enough with Kevin Bacon trying to shoot hoops, getting a workout, enjoying life etc. when Michael Jordan appears from out of nowhere and blocks his shot. Ok, that was fun.

It then continues as poor Kevin Bacon tries to throw a wadded up piece of paper in to the trash, and Jordan swats it away. Then Bacon goes for tossing keys into a cup and again Jordan denies him.

It hits rock bottom when Kevin Bacon, after checking around to make sure it was safe, tries to toss a grape up in the air and eat it. Out of the blue here comes Michael (Big Jerk) Jordan to prevent Kevin Bacon from even eating! And when it’s all said and done Becon looks at Jordan with a “You’re an asshole look”. And Jordan looks back with a “Yep, but what are you going to do Kevin Bacon? I’m a 6’6 former superstar athlete and you are a tiny ass actor, so eat it, if I feel like following you around, breaking into your house, and disrespecting you every chance I get, then I will.”

All I have to say is, please Michael Jordan, leave defenseless Kevin Bacon alone. Are you jealous because he has a huge weiner as seen in the movie ‘Wild Things?’ Is that it Jordan? Are you ashamed of your own personal manhood and so now all you have left in your sad existence is to stalk this poor actor? Get a hobby that does not involve B&E, stalking, or harrassment!

In closing, Kevin Bacon, you seem like a good guy, if you need to talk to someone, I’m here for ya brother.

-Ray

Does Carryout Not Exist Anymore?

Monday, March 19th, 2007

Ok, so I’m watching TV late at night, you know, cause that is what I do.

I see yet another in a long line of retarded Digiorno frozen pizza commercials. I am so tired of this marketing campaign that I would rather watch a close up of a genital wart for 30 seconds then just a tagline of “Digiorno Pizza”.

You know the commercials I am talking about here. Some sort of bizarre situation crops up and one person starts eating the pizza then the other person freaks out cause they believe the pizza had been delivered.

Like in one a guy has his hot date blindfolded and he starts feeding her the pizza. She flips out and leaves because how could he have a delivery guy in the room with her aroused and blindfolded, that betrays her trust!

Or the one I just saw where a superhero sees his sidekick (Tracy Morgan) eating pizza back at the secret lair. So he goes bonkers and yells at him for getting a pizza delivered to the secret lair.

I just used the word bonkers in a sentence, that is awesome.

Anyways, what the hell is wrong with the people in these commercials? When I see somebody eating a pizza my first thought has never once been “Wow, there must be a delivery pizza driver in the room right now! Holy Shit!” The reason I have never thought that once before is because I’m not fucking retarded.

I mean first off in the date story, is it not possible to this moronic woman that maybe her man got the pizza delivered earlier, like before she came over? Or in the superhero example, perhaps Tracy Morgan actually went out to a pizza place in his normal attire, then brought said pizza home and changed into his spandex to get ready for crimefighting and then afterwards sat down and started enjoying his pizza? And all of that completely disregards the truth of the matter, which is they baked the pizza at home and it was bought at a local supermarket. I am all for people in commercials acting in an abnormal way, but this train of logic takes me to a place so far away that I would beat my postcards from there home.

Please listen, people at Digiorno, stop with these idiotic commercials. They are being beamed into space and millenia from now an alien race will see them and wonder why we were all so fucking stupid. This is not the way I want future societies and civilizations to know us. I am convinced that when the UFO’s show up and start blasting, choosing war over diplomacy, it will be because they saw those commercials and figured we as a primitave culture were not worthy living on any longer.

-Ray

Corruption

Saturday, March 17th, 2007

Seriously, how much more corruption are the American people willing to take from this administration?

It’s not bad enough that we went to war for known incorrect reasons.

Then we sent over 4 BILLION dollars in money on pallettes and then promptly lost all of it.

The Libby trial shed light on how the Executive branch does politics, disregard truth and side with us or we’ll put the life of your family in jeopardy.

Not the mention the cover ups in the Mark Foley scandal.

Now we have to deal with 8 competant US attourneys fired because they refused to harrass Democrats at the whim of the White House while ignoring Republican misdeeds?

Do I need to bring up the 9/11 memorial, botched Katrina relief, or even gas at over $3 a gallon?

And if this new guy ‘confessing’ is the mastermind behind 9/11, then what the fuck has Osama Bin Laden been all these years?

The American people have had enough of all this bullshit. We ran as many Republicans out of town as we could last election, it’s time to load the bus to hell for the rest of them in a year and a half.

I mean, FOUR BILLION DOLLARS ON PALLETTES THAT DISAPPEARED?

Fuck Bush, Fuck Cheney, Fuck Rove, Fuck Rice, Fuck Libby, and Fuck you if you support this travesty.

-Ray

Pump it to the Max

Thursday, March 15th, 2007

The day is finally here.

The music of MC DJ Maximus Stylus Extravaganzous is here! MC DJ MSE is a very good friend of mine and his style of hip hop nerdcore beats will whup a llama’s ass.

So go HERE and support the love!

Also if you have a myspace page add him as a friend, he’s just starting out and needs support, even if passive!

-Ray

Bracket Challenge!

Wednesday, March 14th, 2007

Come and join my free ESPN NCAA basketball bracket thingy.

http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/group?groupID=165546

no knowledge of basketball required!

A new theory

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

I have done a little research when something struck me as odd.

I have found conclusive proof that this theory is more than just that.

It is the truth…..

If you are in a movie or TV show, don’t get on a plane to Los Angeles, because you are headed for disaster.

Think about it, in all these movies involving bad things happening to planes, where are they all going?

LAX.

This truth hit me when I watching the TV program LOST. I just started watching season 1 from my Netflix. It was a flight going from Sydney, Australia to LAX. On the way the plane got knocked off course and crashed on a crazy desert island. This caused me to suddenly realise the LAX connection.

Wesley Snipes starred in a little cinematic opus named Passenger 57. Now this classic may only be known for one line; “Always bet on black!”, but I remember it for so much more. Like a disturbing scene where they have some innocent guy talk about his family right before they sadistically shoot him in front of everyone. Also Elizabeth Hurley’s intro at least to me was that film. In any case, plane goes up, bad shit goes down. Where was the plane headed to? LAX.

There are more movies in the chain, but the most recent is a masterpiece that will stand the test of time. Yes, of course I mean Snakes on a Plane. This taut Samuel L Jackson thriller involves a flight carrying a witness from Hawaii. Halfway across the ocean many poisonous snakes are released in an attempt to bring the plane down. Boobs are shown, dogs are eaten, and people die. Eddie Kim, the man who will fucking kill you was responsible because he was the man on trial. Trial where? Los Angeles!

I am sure you can find other movies where this is true, I have found more, but only want to discuss these.

So what I am trying to say is if at any time you think that you may be a fictional character in a TV show or movie, whatever you do AVOID FLIGHTS TO LOS ANGELES! LAX IS THE DEVIL! FLY INTO SAN DIEGO AND TAKE THE BUS!!!

You are welcome.

-Ray