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Let me just say this again, I am not a fan of war. In my mind it takes a whole lot of reason to go to the homes of another group of people and start killing everybody. In this latest instance the reasons we had were flimsy at best and criminal and worst.

But that is not why I am writing this. No earlier yesterday they discovered the identity of a young man who had been kidnapped in Iraq and then found dead. the boy’s name was Joe Anzack. Despite the fact that I never knew him, I could feel my body go numb and cold as I read on CNN, “Fallen soldier from Torrance CA, Joseph Anzack.” You see I now live in Torrance, CA. I know people who knew him know me. People around here are up in arms about losing one of their own. Hell even though I am a transplant, I feel he was one of my own.

But despite all that I still found myself annoyed this afternoon as I was out driving. I was at a light when I saw a bunch of younger folks out with signs standing on the corner. They were war protesters, most holding signs that said “Honk for Joe”, and others saying “Honk for Peace”. Now I am a big fan of peace, but to me there was no more wasted energy and time than what I saw.

As nice an idea as it may sound, the simple act of honking your car horn will not magically create peace. Honking will not bring back Joe. Joe is gone and that is a terrible thing, but if you really feel compelled to action about it, standing outside with ‘Honk’ signs is about the dumbest thing you can do about it. Go to city hall, write letters to your congressmen and senators, get on TV with a pro-peace rally, join an organization with a no-war agenda.

For God sakes don’t stand on a street corner waving a sign, there is no more pointless endeavor. The main reason I am saying this is because one of the biggest thing that pisses me off is misused passion. I am sure these people mean well, just like those crazy folks who actually believe in recycling, but they choose the most passive, weak, and mindless ways to express real emotions. This angers me. I love the message, but am irritated by the delivery.

For the record I did not honk, even though I agreed with what they stood for.

-Ray

Ok, can I be totally honest with the readership of www.almightyray.com for 5 seconds?

Life would be 10 times easier if I was gay.

Seriously, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, I get hit on by gay men roughly every other minute. If I was just gay myself, I am convinced I would have every bill paid, every debt settled, and my way to superstardom would already be in progress. There is just one problem with this way of thinking…

I’m not gay.

Fuck, there always has to be something to screw it all up. I mean, I am into the ladies, but constantly I am faced with indifference to above topic, yet it’s the gay men that are always there, ready to pounce! I mean for real, if I could just get over this hang up of not being interested in gay sex I swear my life would be way easier!

Once again the other day I was confronted with said topic. I was a rep of my restaurant at the local chamber of commerce meeting (look for my picture in the local paper) when a nice fellow struck up a conversation with me. instantly I thought something weird was up, and then when I thought about the whole thing later I got the rest of the picture. Gay men love me, they want me, I apparantly am a commodity to them, if only the classy, kind single women in the Redondo Beach area would understand what the men already knew my life would be 10 times easier.

But sadly life does not work like that. The men all want my hot bod, but the ladies don’t give 2 shits to the wind. I mean, seriously, is it any wonder that all the good ones are either gay or taken? Message to the ladies, you all had your chance when they were straight, but it was your lack of interest that made them gay!!! So stop crying over the monster that you personally created.

I swear to God, one of these days I’m just going to hypothetically turn gay, just to see 15 different women that I would have absolutely wanted to get with turn and say, ‘ugh, that Ray guy is so amazing, why are the good ones gay?’ And then I will punch somebody in the face because seriously, what the fuck!?!?!?!?!?

Anyways, shit gets annoying, maybe it’s funny, but that makes it no less annoying to me. Why must I be so beautiful…….TO MEN???

-Ray

Ok, so it hasn’t come out yet, but is there a human being alive that is not trembling with excitement to see the new Larry the Cable Guy Vehicle, ‘Delta Farce’???

I mean, a movie where Larry the Cable Guy joins the armed forces and gets deployed to Iraq meanwhile (I assume) hilarity ensues! Add in DJ Qualls and Bill Engvall of Blue Collar Comedy Tour fame and you got yourself one red hot 10 dollar ticket!

My understanding is that every movie theatre east of the Mississippi and south of the Mason Dixon line is having the whole place riot proofed. I mean, 12 Natty Lights and redneck comedy is a dangerous cocktail to mix! They are predicting that Delta Farce could very well be the biggest box office in the history of Alabama! Finally ousting ‘Smokey and the Bandit’ as the biggest draw in history there.

But what isn’t funny about sending redneck comedians to war? Hell I think it’s practical! In my mind this shouldn;t be a movie, but a workable practice! Remember when Elvis was in the military and how proud it made everyone? Well just imagine if our troops were fighting hand in hand with Larry The Cable Guy, they would protect him like the Holy Grail! And he would fart for them on command to raise spirits, it’s like a match made in heaven! And worst case scenario, all the redneck comedians are KIA, I call this a win-win.

Oh yeah, and see Delta Farce next week if you can’t afford a lobotomy.

-Ray