Archive for September, 2007

Classic Anti Smoking Ad

Friday, September 28th, 2007

OK, so in my travels, I just came across this Star Wars vintage anti-smoking PSA and had to share with the class. Enjoy!

5 Animated shows you are not watching

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

But you SHOULD be!

Here is a list I’ve been meaning to do for a few weeks now, top 5 animated shows out there that chances are you have either never heard of or never bothered to check out. These shows are all edgy in their own way, and really push the envelope, this is probably one reason why I love them all. From 5 to 1, here they are and why you should be watching them;

5) AMERICAN DAD
FOX

If you are a fan of Family Guy, then there is no reason you should not be watching American Dad. The feel of the whole show is Family Guy with a different set of weird characters and situations. The Dad in question works for the government and crushes people. They live with a mincing gay alien, I mean who doesn’t love mincing gay aliens? This like Family Guy is another Seth MacFarlane project, and the style of humor is about the same. If you like old school funny references and cruelty in your comedy, then give it a try!

4) CODE MONKEYS
G4TV

Code Monkeys is a really fun show from the weird mind that brought you Minoriteam. The style of animation is basically a cross between the video games Double Dragon and Maniac Mansion. Each episode looks like an old school video game, complete with a health bar on the top of the screen. This is a show that has no problem trying to shock you, gross out moments happen all over the place. Basically the show is about 80′s video game programmers and designers who work at a place called Gameavision. They make state of the art games (for 1983) and different bizarre things happen to them. Special props go out to Dana Snyder (Voice of Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger Force) as Todd, the extra dorky and unpopular programmer who never takes off his viking helmet, even when in the shower.

3) Metalocalypse
Adult Swim on cartoon Network

OK, I just love this show. The premise is that there is an ubersuccessful heavy metal band named Dethklok that world authorities worry will conquer the world through their music and popularity. The band lives like Gods in a huge compound/castle and keep hooded servitors. Each program features a new crisis situation that the world authorities try to either diffuse, or use to eliminate Dethklok. This is a very violent comedy show, with heads and arms regularly chopped off and blood everywhere. Best part is the music, since it is based around heavy metal, they dish out a new Sepultura sounding song each episode. These guys rock really hard, crush, and dominate.

2) SLACKER CATS
ABC Family channel

I was really surprised by this show when I first watched it. I have had an idea in my head as to what kind of show was going to be shown on ABC Family. Generally 7th Heaven type drivel. However the promise of an edgy cartoon on ABC Family was enough for me to check it out, and wow, I was surprised. The first thing I saw was the 2 main cats having a conversation about how many lady cats they had boned in a week. Conversation went on to include car-squished cats and stuffed animals, both counted by the way. I could not believe this was on ABC Family, and my outlook towards the channel has changed…slightly. Special mention must be made to the fact that my friend Emo Philips does one of the voices on this show. He does Dooper, the crazy homeless kitty. He does a crazy good job in this role, it really feels like it was written for him, fabulous work.

1) Venture Brothers
Adult Swim on Cartoon Network

What can I say about this show other than it stomps balls. It is sort of a parody of Johnny Quest type adventure and sets itself in that kind of universe. Rusty Venture, the boy genius son of a famous adventurer scientist, has all grown up. He has become a manic, unhappy, pill popping scientist. With his twin boys Hank and Dean, as well as badass Brock Sampson, they all go on adventures together. But the strength is in the interplay between the characters and attention to detail in the show, hard to fully explain. Equal time is spent with the villains of the show, and how their lives are led. The universe these characters inhabit is extremely rich and fun. There is much satire and parody in this show, even small characters are usually parodies of other superheroes/action stereotypes. so it’s basically a great show with heroes and villains, and the lives they lead away from each other, all the while interweaving it all together like a blanket. I’m currently watching through season 2 again, I hope they hurry with season 3!

So there ya go. If you have TiVo or DVR these shows are all easily findable and watchable. You now have no excuse to not be at least checking them out. If you like edgy animated humor, then let this be your portal to much unfound joy.

-Ray

Tuna Can Parody #1

Monday, September 24th, 2007

Ok, so this is a poem I wrote from a few years ago. It is a parody piece of a fellow Ann Arbor Poet name Matt Ernst. Let me just say that i love the stuff that he writes, and I wrote this parody as a way to honor him. Best part about it was that he honored me by reading it at the last Ann Arbor Poetry Slam I went to before I moved out here to LA. It is called Tuna Can Parody #1 cause i was intending to write one for each member of the Ann Arbor Poetry Slam, who were named the ‘Tuna Cans’. I never got around to writing the other ones…yet.

Seriously, if you don’t know the work of Matt Ernst, you should click HERE and listen TO THIS

OK, for real, did you do it? Then now maybe you are ready for what I wrote in homage!

TUNA CAN PARODY #1

I was awoken from my uneventful slumber by the monotonous staccato of rain on my forehead. It was Tuesday, and my head was still pounding from the night before. Had I been out on a bender again? No, I remembered, I was hit by a Mack Truck in the parking lot at my local Dairy Queen.
The truck was yellow with black stripes that seemed to get bigger as it approached me, enveloping me in it’s bright halogen glow. Damn it my head is causing me pain. Deep Pain. Seering pain. And all of this reminded me of…..her.
She was a traveling trapeze artist from the touring midget carnival and every time she shifted her weight her perfume leaked sweet scents that transfixed me. She used to leave me surprise gifts around the house to discover when she was gone. Things like panties and sandwiches. Ham Sandwiches. Ham sandwiches with mayo. Ham sandwiches with mayo and no ham. It was then that my phone rang, which is odd because I don’t have a phone. I answered it, it was the Mack truck from the night before, calling me to wish me well on the powerball drawing tonight.
I had bought 5 tickets for the drawing with all the proceeds from my last book, thus making my chances of winning soar from 0 to 0.00001, or roughly the same odds that my left arm will spontaneously combust over lunch today.
That sounds pretty good right now actually, so I left my home for a splendid little Swedish bakery on the corner of 5th street and wheredidtheloveofmyliferunoffto boulevard. I bought 3 bags of Turkish waffles and sat down on an available saxophone to begin the eating process. 30 seconds of amazing pleasure later my thoughts drifted once again to…..her.
We used to sit on brass instruments and eat turkish waffles while parades of war heroes would march by and merry songs would play and Santa would end the procession by waving to the kids and throwing party favors at the crowd. Meanwhile we would plan deviant activities like desecrating the Joe Louis fist, or peeing on my neighbor’s garden gnome.
It was at this moment that my right arm spontaneously combusted so I bought another 5 powerball tickets.

Quick thought on Notre Dame

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

I’m watching the Notre Dame/Michigan State game, and the announcers (who still somehow slurp the Irish despite the reality of where the program is now) kept saying that Head Coach Charlie Weis is always thinking 2-3 plays ahead. My thought is that’s easy when you know you’ll be punting in 2-3 plays!

-Ray

Another reason why…

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

…Your Detroit Lions must beat the Philadelphia Eagles this upcoming Sunday;

Because the Eagles have chosen to try and play against us wearing the following uniforms;

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No shit, seriously.

I went to Ford Field a couple years ago to see the Lions play against the Eagles. I was left with one thought;

Fuck the Eagles.

They were the most classless team I have witnessed this side of Ohio State. This is back when the Eagles had Terrell Owens, and were well on their way to playing in the Super Bowl that year. I don’t remember the final score, but it was ugly. They came out like a bunch of jackasses and generally acted the fool the whole game. T.O. caught a touchdown pass in the end zone where I was sitting. He then put the ball on the ground, stood one foot on it, and did a slow salute to the field. That was annoying, but then he turned around, and looked right up at my section and gave another prolonged salute with a retarded smile on his face. I swear to God I wanted to jump down onto the field myself and kill him. Later on in the game the Eagles scored another TD on the other side of the field to make the game go from embarrassing to unwatchable. It was then that Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb in celebration got behind his offensive linemen in the end zone, and they proceeded to ‘hike him the ball’ which consisted of launching it over his head and into the Lions bench on the sidelines, hitting a coach.

Fuck the Eagles.

Now we can fast forward to now, where Your Detroit Lions are 2-0, and the Eagles are 0-2. Donovan McNabb is on the hot seat in Philly, and a loss to Detroit could hasten his ousting from the city, and thus help put right what was wrong with that game I was at. Not only that, but they have the gall to wear those freaking uniforms to the game!?!?! Look at them again, that is seriously what an NFL team will be wearing on Sunday? They look like someone peed on Tron.

I’m for sure going to be going out to a sports bar around here to watch this game, the cards seem lined up for a Detroit beatdown of Philadelphia this Sunday, and I want a front row seat to the event! As you are watching the game this weekend, or even just hearing about the score afterwards, I want all of you to have one thought racing through your heads;

Fuck the Eagles.

-Ray

What are the odds?

Thursday, September 13th, 2007

What are the odds that another Ohio State Suckeye would disappoint everyone?

Following in the footsteps of Andy “I took a class in AIDS awareness during summer school to keep my GPA high enough to play” Katzenmoyer, and David “I ate the Ultimate Warrior” Boston, we now have yet another name to add to the list;

Greg Oden, Center, Portland Trailblazers.

At least he would have been if a major knee injury hadn’t already been enough to cause him to miss the entire upcoming season. No big deal though, it’s not like the Trailblazers were counting on him to help them, they only used the FIRST PICK IN THE ENTIRE DRAFT on him this past year! And what are the odds that Oden, who missed half of his only year of college basketball due to a wrist injury, would get injured again?

I mean, he’s over 7 feet tall, and looks to weigh about 165 pounds, who knew he might not be durable? Not just that, but he represents the biggest fraud in the history of sports. Forget Danny Almonte, who won the Little League World Series despite being 16 years old. This guy Greg Oden is like 40 years old pretending to be 20! Don’t believe me? Look at this picture and judge for yourself.

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I mean, for real? And worst part, that pic was taken about a year ago. On a local radio show they were interviewing Oden and asked him to name some of his favorite players growing up. His response was, ‘You know, Jordan, Magic, Larry Bird.” really Greg Oden? Those were your favorite players growing up? You know, cause they all played IN THE 80′S! OOPS!!!

Anyways, new lesson for sports owners, if the player comes from THE Ohio State University, leave em there, they will only let you down in the end, tis what it is to be an Ohio State Suckeye.

-Ray

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

I got peeped to this video, wanted to share, word up. If you have not seen Britney Spears at the MTV VMA’s this year, wow, check THIS OUT first…

Craig James is stupid

Monday, September 10th, 2007

I was watching college football stuff this week and AP voter and ABC commentator Craig James said some just retarded stuff in regards to Appalachian State.

Basically he argued that it was great that a Division 1-AA team could now be voted into the top 25 of the Division 1-A poll. And that he would totally be in favor of such happening.

This is truly stupid.

Thankfully the other guys on the show torched his argument with simple logic like, “well, if Michigan had beaten App. State, should we vote for Michigan in the 1-AA poll?”

Voting for a 1-AA team in the 1-A poll is like picking the Chicago Bears to win the Stanley Cup.

James was unfazed by logical thinking. “Well I think if App. State got voted into the poll at number 25 or something after such a big win that would be great. And then they would probably get dropped out of the top 25 in week 2 due to playing some 1-AA creampuff. Their strength of schedule would be much lower at that point, so they would get dropped out.”

Well then by your own logic Mr. James, you would have dropped both USC and Ohio State out of your top 25 for week 2 due to ‘Strength of Schedule’. I mean, USC (Ranked #1) played feeble Idaho in week 1 and had a bye week(?) in week 2. That is not a very strong strength of schedule, so clearly you dropped them far and made LSU, who just came off an impressive victory over #9 Virginia Tech, your new #1 team right? And surely Craig you dropped Ohio State (Ranked #12) from your top 25 due to strength of schedule after they won over lowly Akron and 1-AA Youngstown State? That strength of schedule is horrible, and clearly less than whatever App. State was going to have after 2 games no matter who their week 2 opponent was!

Oh wait, you didn’t do that Craig James? Wait, so you are a blathering, hypocritical moron who should have his AP poll voter rights taken away immediately due to rank incompetence?

OK, I think I understand now.

Fucking idiot.

-Ray

It hurts too much

Sunday, September 9th, 2007

I never thought I would say this;

I have given up on Michigan football for the 2007 season.

No seriously, I am finding a new team this year to be my surrogate.

Being a depressed Detroit Lions fan for all my life, I understand every year that there usually will come a time when I have to emotionally detach myself from the team before I go into critical depressive meltdown.

So I am finding no choice this year but to do the same for Michigan football. It’s embarrassing, it’s disgusting, and it’s painful, and I can’t take it any more.

So tonight, following the latest debacle, I have officially given up on my team. They were quickly replaced though by the #2 LSU Tigers! I have a friend that goes to school there and that’s really good enough to me!

So anyways, all you haters out there can save it, cause for the rest of the year I truly do not care. LSU is my surrogate team for 2007, and they have already embraced me as one of their own!

All I got left now is the Lions crushing Oakland tomorrow to start the playoff push! W00T!!!

-Ray

You don’t know you need it yet…

Monday, September 3rd, 2007

but you do!!!

Jeremy Buck and the Bang is a tremendous band full of talented musicians, and all around great human beings.

If you are one of my many readers in the greater Detroit area, you need to tell them to come and play a show in the Detroit area so you can all see for yourselves.

So click HERE and take 10 seconds and make a request for them to come and play a show in your area next time they are touring in that part of the country. i guarantee they pay attention to this, and if enough people request them, they will do everything in their power to play a show in the area. When they tour the midwest a few times a year, they usually go to Indiana, Illinois, and a little bit in Ohio, tell them loudly that you want to check it out in Michigan!

Ok, I’ve said my piece, take a sec and make magic happen.

-Ray