Archive for October, 2007

Stuart Scott is a Jackass

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

I meant to write this after Monday Night Football, but I forgot. Luckily for me that Jackass Stuart Scott continues to suck on my TV, so it’s only a matter of time til I remembered again how much he annoys me.

For those that do not know, Stuart Scott is a sports commentator for ESPN and ABC. Might I also add that he blows.

Scott is basically a glorified game show host that they allow to host many different opinion shows. Oh yeah, and whenever ESPN comes up with another lame game show idea like Stump the Schwab or Teammates, they dial up Stuart Scott to be the host, shocker.

First problem with Scott is that he tries to pepper his speech with cliched hip hop terms that were popular about 15 years ago. Thankfully I used to be almost cool 15 years ago and kinda know what he is talking about. I feel bad for anyone over the age of 35 who tries to watch him, he might as well be speaking really annoying Chinese.

By the way, did he mention that he likes the University of North Carolina? Oh yeah, that’s right, only like every 3.2 seconds.

My favorite part of Scott’s repertoire is when there is a story where some old white guy says something racist. They always trot out Scott to ‘coincidentally’ read that story on Sportscenter with this really somber tone. Then just look crosseyed at the camera after reading it to without words say, ‘I am really offended by this, how dare people act this way, I’m so damn serious right now. When stories like this happen it’s hard for me to continue acting like a mid 90′s hip hop stereotype.’ Best was during the Duke Lacrosse scandal. You remember, when the media tried to crucify a bunch of innocent white guys publicly and ruin their lives! It was like the Stuart Scott show, “Hi, I’m Stuart Scott, our top story tonight is a bunch of rich cracka kids tried to boo-yeah someone’s hoochy mama to get more flava.”

But what’s even shittier than Scott’s act are his opinions. Thankfully he usually just reports the sports news or hosts the panel of people who have real opinions. Sadly sometimes he’s allowed to say what he thinks. Which is what pissed me off enough to write about why i hate him so.

This past Monday Night Football, after Brett Favre got rimmed, but just before he was teabagged they went over to Stuart Scott. Scott said the following;

“Looking at Green Bay’s schedule, I don’t see any reason to think they won’t be 10-1 when they play Dallas.”

Really Stuart Scott? You tiny brained, annoying parasite? Do you really think that way, or are you just parroting gibberish for the sake of television? Let’s take a look at Green Bay’s upcoming schedule that Scott could not forsee a loss coming from, shall we?

@ KC Chiefs (4-3)
Minnesota Vikings (2-5)
Carolina Panthers (4-3)
@ Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving (5-2)

Yes, they should beat the Vikings at home. But the other 3 games are all against teams with WINNING RECORDS and 2 of those games are on the road! So wait, Stuart Scott, upon looking at that schedule you don’t see ANY POSSIBLE WAY that Green Bay (Who has the worst rushing offense in the league might I add) could lose a single one of those games???

That is funny, cause I don’t see a single possible way that you are not a gibbering jackass.

-Ray

Dear Republicans, Part 3

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

Wow, another day, another Republican anti-gay legislator having gay sex.

http://www.kxly.com/news/?sect_rank=1&section_id=559&story_id=15425

Allow me to introduce Washington state rep. Richard Curtis. This time our Republican perv dressed up like a chick, went to a local adult video store, and picked up a 20 something dude. But things went south when the 20 something dude tried to extort cash from Curtis when he figured out who he was.

My favorite part of the whole article; “He told the newspaper Monday he did not solicit anyone for sex, that he is not gay and that he got into this mess just trying to help someone out.”

Damn. How far would you go for a friend? I’ll be honest, I got lots of friends, I’m having a hard time coming up with one who would dress like a chick and do some random dude he picked up at a dirty video shop in an effort to help me. So I am left to conclude that either this guy is the greatest friend in the history of the universe, or he is totally full of shit.

And what kind of friend needs help like that? Can you imagine the phone call?

“Hey Richard, yeah, I’m in a little bit of trouble here, can you help me? I need you to put on a dress and, well, even though you are a married heterosexual state representative, I need you to go to a dirty video store and pick up a random guy and have sex with him at a hotel, that would totally bail me out.”

“No problem homey, you can count on me.”

What a great friend! I mean, if he’s willing to do all that, asking for a hundred bucks would be no thang!

Anyways, time for me to once again reach out to my right wing friends. I don’t know why I bother though, you just can’t stop a family values Republican lawmaker from having illicit gay sex these days. But anyways, I try.

Dear Republicans, STOP HAVING THE GAY SEX! It looks so bad that you guys are the party of wholesome, Christian family values (except when it comes to war) and you keep buggering men while being men yourself. And if you get caught doing it, please stop with these lame ‘I’m not gay lines’, it just makes you look worse! It’s like walking into the kitchen and finding a child with his hand in the cookie jar, only to be told by the child, “I wasn’t trying to take a cookie.” It’s not even a good lie!

I have posed this question to many people, and they all have concurred so far. If you engage in gay sex, it makes you gay. Don’t get married to a woman then get caught having gay sex and try telling me that you are not gay. You blew a dude, the jig is up.

Silly Republicans, will you never learn?

-Ray

Ps. Since I expect this topic to get many more posts, I just went ahead and gave it it’s own category. Silly gay Republicans.

Stupid Daylight Savings

Sunday, October 28th, 2007

My computer told me that today was daylight savings, so I stayed up and dicked around for an extra hour before I went to bed.

Now I discover that in 2006 they moved daylight savings to the first Sunday in November, and my older windows 98 machine is not aware of such laws. So I’ve been wasting sleep time that I will badly need tomorrow.

Stupid daylight savings.

-Ray

Sadness

Sunday, October 28th, 2007

Well, obviously the judges over at AM 570 would not know talent if it slithered up their backside.

I have lost in round 4.

Despite winning the popular vote, i fell to Joe in the OC 7 judges to 3, so he moves on.

It’s annoying cause that guy blew donkey. He was the worst, least energetic, direct rip off of Jim Rome I have ever heard in my life. Why did the judges pick him when they already have the real Jim Rome on their station? I do not know. But it does disgust me to fall by a judges decision to that jobber.

Anyways, thanks to all you guys for your help and support, you made it exciting and fun.

-Ray

Round 4

Thursday, October 25th, 2007

Alright dear friends, we shed 3 rounds worth so far.

Time for round 4. I am up against some guy named Joe in the OC. Do you think the OC is better than you? Joe does and it’s time to stop him.

Go to;
http://www.xtrasportsradio.com/pages/promotions.html?feed=127751&article=2766274

K bracket, poll #2. Joe has a bunch of goons voting for him, so he will be tough to take down.

But take him down we will with all your help!

Polls close Friday night at midnight, if you have some time please come vote as many times as you want! Please let me reemphasize though that any internet macros or scripts could get me DQ’d so PLEASE DO NOT DO IT!!! Let’s do this up nice and fair.

-Ray

ROUND 3

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007

OK friends, I moved on to round 3 thanks in large part to a huge fan surge at the end of the voting window. if you have a few minutes today please help me advance on again!!!

Polls close tonight at midnight (pst), so please if you got a minute, come help me out!

So go to;

http://www.am570radio.com/pages/promotions.html?feed=127751&article=2766466

C Bracket, poll 5, and vote for me (Ray Stakenas) as many times as you can!!!

Also, just wanted to point out that if anybody is thinking about using an internet script or macro to automatically vote for me PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS!!! My vote of 71% last round got knocked down to 50% by the judges who somehow got red flagged by the amount of love I got in a short period of time. Of course I challenged that and said that my peeps would never cheat to win, and in the end I moved on, but still just in case, please do not use such methods to help me.

OK, now get out there and vote vote vote!!! And I guess spread it out a little too :)

Thanks again for all the help and support!!!

-Ray

Tired of it

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

I am getting a little fed up with all this silly, stupid religion crap dominating the world.

A guy in Scandinavia drew a picture of the prophet Mohammed with the body of a dog. His reasoning was in so many words, ‘I make cartoons about all the other religions, the Muslim world is not immune’.

So there has been a Jihad put out on him and a big 100,000 dollar bounty on his head from Al Qaeda.

How stupid are people? He drew the prophet Mohammed, so fucking what? He drew him as a dog, so fucking what? Why does anybody give 2 shits about what some dude named Lars up in Scandyland is doing with his crayons? Aren’t there actual important things going on is these people’s worlds? Sounds like yet another case of too much free time if you ask me.

So anyways, to protest all this stupid, I have drawn my own picture of the prophet Mohammed. Enjoy.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I felt that my incarnation of Mohammed would have nice spiky ‘bedhead’ style hair, and a ghotee, cause he’d probably be trendy and stylish. Also he is wearing his green gloves and red dancing shoes. Also a raincoat cause it’s storming outside. He had just put on his ensemble when we entered the room, so he turned around surprised to see us.

I would like to propose a contest of MS Paint pictures of the prophet Mohammed for those who wish to protest. Show your support for our troops by putting up your own! you love America don’t you? If everyone draws a picture of the prophet Mohammed with MS Paint, we will defeat the terrorists.

There you go. Jihad me.

-Ray

Almighty Raydio: UPDATE

Monday, October 15th, 2007

Just got the results for the AM 570 contest!

I WON ROUND ONE!!!!

Barely. I got 46% of popular vote, and 60% of panel vote, to squeak by into round 2!!!

Thanks you all so much for your help, I drew a tough match up in round one, and without your help, I would not have advanced.

Round 2 starts tomorrow, I shall post the info once I know it.

Thanks again!!!

-Ray

ALMIGHTY RAY NEEDS YOUR HELP!!!

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

AM 570 sports talk radio in LA has a competition going on right now where the winner gets to cohost a show on the radio for the month of November.

I want to win.

They cut it down to about 500 people, and I am on the list. I need your votes to help me win!

So go to;

http://www.am570radio.com/pages/promotions.html?feed=127751&article=2769327

I am in the OC bracket, poll #19, VOTE FOR RAY STAKENAS!!! Vote as many times as you want to, there is no limit, so please please please help me out!

-Ray

ps: Repost this bulletin so perhaps your friends might help too, Almighty Ray on the radio is something LA wants, whether they want it or not!!!

Hey Michigan Peeps

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

Yo all you doggs and doggettes,

If you live in Michigan you should go see my pal Emo Philips do stand up in Ann Arbor this weekend!!! His shows are always super freaking hysterical, plus he’s super cool as well!

The shows are October 4th, 5th, and 6th. 8pm all three nights, 2nd show at 10:30pm on the 5th and 6th. Here is more info…

Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase
314 E. Liberty
Ann Arbor , MI 48104
For tickets please phone (734) 996-9080. And please come backstage after the show to say “Hello!” (I’ll get the security guard drunk to make it easier for you to sneak past him.)

Emo told me that anyone who comes to see the show and says hi afterwards and says that they know me will be bought a free drink by him! Free booze and a great show, what more needs to be said?

If you need more convincing, here is his famous scene from UHF;

Here is another clip, this time of stand up from an older show.

OK there it is, you should go, if not for yourselves then for the children!!!

-Ray