Archive for October, 2008

Neutral Site?

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

Aw geez, once again I got that gibbering jackass Skip Bayless on my TV spouting crap.

He is throwing his support towards taking the World Series and playing it at a neutral site.

This is stemming from the horrible weather in Philly this past year. Game 5 had to be stopped due to awful rain and resumed 2 days later.

Is that seriously the answer? Let look at the ratings for a sec; People did not care about Tampa Bay VS. Philadelphia. If they held the World Series in, say, Arizona, would people there suddenly care? Taking the Super Bowl to a neutral site makes sense. It’s a circus whose main attraction is one 3 and a half hour show. The World Series could potentially last over 7 games! I find it hard to believe that a city will support 2 teams that they don’t care about for that long a period of time.

On top of that why would you want to take the World Series away from the fans of the teams that made it? Those are the people inclined to care (And spend) the most! Yes, some fans would be likely to try and make it out to an event at a neutral site, but there is something very special about having the World Series played in your town.

If they really want to avoid bad weather games, they should mandate that all teams play in domes. If they are not willing to do that then they should move all the teams to warm weather cities. If they are not willing to do that then they should just deal with their own creation and keep on keepin on a sport that has trancended the centuries.

-Ray

PS. Skip Bayless just said that he hates bad weather football games, so maybe we have some common ground yet.

Election Fever!

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Thankfully I have not caught this virulent disease yet.

Anyways, why is the McCain campaign clinging to this LA Times video story? Why are they calling the LA Times the Obama ‘Pet newspaper’? If the LA Times was so pro Obama then why would they have printed this story in the first place?

And also, I predicted a long time ago that the weekend before this election that we would ‘announce’ that we have caught Osama Bin Laden. I figure he’s been holed up in a CIA condo for some time now, and it’s finally time for the GOP to throw the hail mary by telling everyone that they finally caught him.

And thank God we have a gay marriage vote on the ballot AGAIN here in California. If you were to listen to the ads out here you would think that we were voting on whether or not Gay marriage should be taught in schools, not what the proposition is actually about. That, to be nice, is shameful.

But at least I get to vote yes on prop 5, which lessens penalties on people caught with the weed. And I don’t even use the stuff! I just think enough is enough, let’s just legalize that crap for cripes sake! If we truly live in a free country, then the wacky tobacky should be legal.

Oh yeah, and I still have not decided who I am going to vote for. But do not mistake me, this is not a choice between Obama and McCain. Oh no my friends, this is a choice between Obama and whoever the Communist party candidate is. As far as I am concerned, after the last 8 years, McCain is not even an option. The notion of a Sarah Palin White House should put the fear of God in people like nothing before.

Ok, those be my current thoughts, go vote next week! I mean, unless you plan on voting moron, errrr, I mean McCain.

-Ray

My Proudest Achievement

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

I mean, sure, I’ve already done so much in this life already.

But let me share with you my proudest achievement yet so far;

Over 6 years ago I went over to my friend David’s house for a night of gaming joy. Somewhere in this night I wound up getting roped into a game of Dungeons and Dragons. I was given a premade character in a premade scenario, and just followed along with everyone else for a few hours. It lent itself to an evening of fun…

…Only to discover years later that I am now officially listed forever as a playtester for Dungeons and Dragons.

And you thought I was cool before! Suck on that one bitches!

-Ray

Why the polls are bullshit

Monday, October 27th, 2008

So, I was looking at the polls for all the college football teams in the country, and I came across the following listing;

92. WASHINGTON (0-7)
THE BUZZ: The season is going bad – really bad. Up next? A trip to play USC. NEXT: Saturday, at USC.
93. AKRON (4-4)
THE BUZZ: The Zips will have had a 17-day layoff before they play their next game. NEXT: Nov. 5, vs. Toledo.

Seriously? So a team that has lost every game that they have played this year is ranked ahead of a team that has won 4 games???

Let me also add that there were 120 teams in this ranking. And Washington was ranked number 92, that means that they were ranked ahead of 28 others!!!

How brutal are these pollsters where they would put a team that has failed every single week and never won a single game ahead of 28 other teams, almost all of whom have had a moment of victory?

This is just further proof that polls are a bunch of crap.

-Ray

More Corruption

Monday, October 27th, 2008

Oh dang it, if only this one could have been about cock just like all the other Republican scandals! :sigh:

Ted Stevens Guilty

Kizarny?

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

I was watching WWE programming, as I am wont to do, and I saw a series of segments promoting a new character; Kizarny.

Let me get this straight, he’s a freaky looking guy with a carnival gimmick who can only speak in shitty Snoop Dogg parody speech? How would he say ‘Off the hizzle fo shizzle’? Izoff thize Hizzizle fizo shizzizle?

Um, yeah, unless something drastic changes soon this guy is not going to get over.

Err, excuse me, thizis gizuy izis nizot gizoing tizo gizet ovizer.

-Ray

ps. Get it? He’s a Carney, but due to his speech problem, his name becomes KIZARNY!!! HA HA HA that WWE creative team, so freaking clever.

Huh?

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

Here is something I guess I just do not understand;

It is based on this story.

How can you give birth to triplets, yet have them be your Grandkids?

Here is my new rule of life, if it comes out of your vagina, it is your kid. I do not care whose eggs they may have originally belonged to, they are your damn kids.

I mean, what do you tell these kids when they become cognizant? That is your Grandmother, and you developed in her womb and came out of her va-jay-jay. No it doesn’t make any sense, but don’t worry about some bullshit, and go give Grandma a hug!

I’m just sayin, I’m getting tired of the stupid in this world.

-Ray

God Rocks

Friday, October 24th, 2008

It’s been a really long day today. Had a workout with my trainer, wrestling class where I worked on going over the top rope to the floor backwards, and then a shift at work.

It’s PBR time!

And what goes best with PBR?

If you said religious themed cartoon shows then you get an A!!!

God Rocks
Originally aired on Saturday, 7/26/08 at 9am on Channel 17, TBN.
This animated show teaches children Biblical lessons via the adventures of cartoon characters. (Religion).

You know, I think that this one is going to hurt as much as Bibleman did. At least Bibleman is unintentionally hilarious. Perhaps I will be as lucky this time. Let’s fire it up and get this over with…

God Rocks is apparently part of the ‘Bibletoons’ series. Didn’t know there was a Bibletoons series? Join the club Bucko!

Ok, so they are a band comprised of guys who look like they would be in a Christian rock band, and they morph into crappy looking below flash animated cartoon characters. Got it!!! So we got Chip, Gem, Splinter, and Carb. Oh my gosh seriously??? I am in awe of that set of names.

Let’s meet the band! Chip wants me to know that God has a special gift for me. Oh my, they are trying to act as rock and roll as possible, but as we all know, when you try to sound cool while talking about God, you typically just sound 3 times as lame. I mean, maybe I could take their metal attitudes seriously if they were not all wearing black ‘God Rocks’ T-shirts WITH THEIR OWN NAMES ON THE FRONT!

This talk of gifts leads us to the story of Cindi. Cindi was not able to sing, but she did have another gift she could offer. Awwww yeaaaaaaah.

Hmm, I don’t think they mean what I thought they meant. Darn Christian themed shows. I bet they are leading into a crappy cartoon.

SCORE!

Holy doodoo, this could be the cheapest, worst animation of any show I have done far, and that my friends is saying something. It’s clearly done with Flash, by someone who doesn’t know much about Flash. The characters are the same people as we saw in the live action short a moment ago, but they have all been morphed into brightly colored, um, things. I swear I am going to need to find a pic because I cannot do justice to what these things are supposed to be;

Splinter appears to be a blue monster made out of a bunch of blue stones. Kinda like that giant boulder beast that Tim Allen fought in Galaxy Quest. Except this one looks like a prototype slacker complete with a bloomin’ onion for hair, and a Shaggy from Scooby Doo beard. It should also be added that his arms do not even come close to being attached to his ‘body’. Creepy.

Gem is pink cause she’s a chick of course! She also has Phantom Limb syndrome cause her arms and legs do not exist as well. Hmm, must be cheaper to animate without having to attach the limbs I guess. Gem looks like what would happen if you took 4 hits of acid and stared at a picture of Judy Jetson.

Chip, like the others, is also missing his limbs, gotta be for cheapness sake, gotta be. Chip wear futuristic space age boots and is more of a teal colored assortment of random shapes which consist of his body. To make sure we can tell the difference between Chip and Splinter, Chip has obnoxiously red hair like the Hawaiian Punch guy. No seriously, that is the color of red hair that you normally see only on fat melancholy punk chicks who look sad on the subway.

And finally we have Carb, yeah his name is Carb. Carb is what would happen if you spilled toxic waste on the Lemonheads candy frontman. Unlike most other drummers, he wears boots instead of sneakers for some reason. He also mixes his bright yellow lemon body with bright green eyebrows. In fact having him on screen for too long is making me dizzy and nautious.

Anyways, that is the band! Let’s get to our story!

Oh, my bad, her name is Kitney, not Cindi. How silly of me to think it was something normal when she hangs out with people named Gem and Carb. In what is perhaps the creepiest thing I’ve seen yet, Kitney the female is voiced by a little boy. . .no seriously.

And as alluded, Kitney cannot sing. Her voice is too masculine. At least Kitney knows that she is horrible. Kitney is also a moron as she starts sweating and turns on a poorly placed fan. The fan proceeds to start blowing a huge stack of show fliers around. Rather than first turning off the fan so that the other 90% of fliers do not blow away, she decides that it would be best to try and retrieve the few that have blown away so far. Genius! If I were in the God Rocks band, I’d stop worrying about Kitney’s feelings at about this point in the episode.

Of course this being the cartoon world, the fan magically turned itself off and Kitney used high flying gymnastics moves to get all the papers, thusly impressing the band.

Sadly, Kitney wants to sing instead of gymnastics aka what she’s good at. Typical female.

Now some black and white guy who looks like, Holy Crap! He looks like the evil twin of Snoozy the Talking pillow from My Bedbugs!!! YES! I will cheer for him, especially cause he walks around with a bright ray gun.

Evil Snoozy shrinks a frog into well, a smaller, squarer frog. Apparently somehow it is called a ‘mini conform gun’ and it will make the band into his pawns. It is time for Evil Snoozy to tear up some stuff, so off he goes!!!

Oh I get it now, the characters look like junky piles of rocks because they ARE junky piles of rocks. Thusly, the ‘God Rocks’. Oh man I’m so smart. Wait, remind me again why exactly that makes sense?

Apparently the animated flamboyantly gay cousin of comedian Matt Champagne is the host of the rock show tonight. Huzzah!

Kitney and Gem have a moment where they discuss how Kitney isn’t special. But maybe there might be something good that she can do someday, cause of God or something. Eh, anyways, meanwhile a giant flying sharkshaped airship flies above the school where the concert is going on! And it’s Evil Snoozy on the scene!!!

Evil Snoozy, it is now revealed, is about 1/3 the size of the other characters. That and he has no aim at all because he takes a bunch of shots at the band and misses all of them. Kitney uses her powers to jump up and save the day and uses a mirror to deflect the ray gun back at Evil Snoozy, who the others refer to as a ‘Nugget’. Glad to see the spirit of Owen Hart is still alive somewhere.

Gem has something God related to say now, as Kitney’s special gift is…the way she cares about her friends. um, really? That’s it huh? Gem gets singing and she gets caring about her friends? LAME!

They then give Kitney tambourine duty as they play it out. Man, poor Kitney.

Let’s go back to live action, as the God Rocks live action team refer to Kitney’s moves as ‘Spikin’. I must not at all be cool because I have no idea what that is supposed to mean. The band now does a wrap up of what we have just seen. And dollars to doughnuts I bet ya that there will be a bible verse quoted here;

And there it is. ‘The Bible says that we should use our own gifts to help others’. No passage or chapter to look it up though, I think they made that one up.

Now they lip sync a Christian rock ballad in front of a blue screen! Well, at least they are moving their hands to imitate actually playing, I’ll give it up for that detail. Oh man, this song might actually have a chance if it was about trolls or snakes or daggers or something cool, but it is not. And it ends with a sung ‘Amen’ to really hammer it home.

It is now I realize that I’m only 11 minutes in, so I probably have 2 more cartoons to endure here. God might rock but he clearly hates me.

A bunch of townsfolk stand in front of an appliance store watching the local news on the TV’s in the window. I thought that just happened in musicals set in the 1950′s or before? Hmm.

Anyways, some natural disaster happened to an island nation, and many rocks were left homeless. Is this a Katrina reset? Maybe, in any case people are requested to take some of the refugee rocks into their own homes, which I bet the band is going to do. Yup yup they take slips and get in line!

Oh wow, they don’t just get one rock, they get like a whole tribe apiece!!! Apparently Carb the lemon guy has a history with the tribe that he got, as he starts by getting sloppy kisses from one of the rock chicks he got.

Gem takes her tribe to the hair salon, despite the fact that her rocks really don’t have any hair. And the tribe tears up the place and runs amok and causes mayhem. Oh man, is this like a ‘Teach Christianity to the savages so they may be clean’ kind of deal? That would jerk my ire.

Chip takes his tribe to the grocery store, where he tries to explain fruit to them. And guess what? The tribe tears up the place and runs amok and causes mayhem. Didn’t see that coming!

Splinter calls to see how it is going with Chet. He again uses the word ‘Spikin’ to describe it and I still do not know what that means. Romans 12/13 and all that he says, I guess I gotta look it up or something, nahhh.

It is suggested that the gang gets the tribes together at the movies in an effort to relax and pass the day. Chief tribe guy overhears the band complaining about how much trouble the tribes are. So he rounds them up and takes off, cause he did not want to deal with the whining. That my friends is leadership. They replay the last scene that we just watched to remind us what just happened 20 seconds ago and it’s off to the zoo, cause, you know, that is where the savages would go.

The chief decides that group prayer is the answer to their problems. seems to me that if that actually worked, then they wouldn’t be in the situation they find themselves in in the first place. But I’m a jerky agnostic and such.

And with everyone making nice nice, they go back to the appliance store to watch TV. And it’s a miracle, the volcano which crushed the island erupted again and made everything normal…somehow.

The band is now back to live action, where they show the gifts they have bought for the tribe rocks from the previous cartoon. They all agree that the clothing Gem got is ‘Spikin’ OMG what the heck is up with the use of that word?!?!?!

And now a Devo rip off music video!!! Wow, they wear Devoesque outfits and do that robot jerky style of playing from the Whip It video, and sing in metallic robot sound effect voices. Who knew you could do so much with a Blue screen? The message of the song is ‘Share with God’s people’. I suppose then that one could assume that you do not need to share with people that you do not consider ‘God’s People’. Whew, that was a close one.

Looks like no more cartoons, but instead of that I get the joy of another music video! This one is a mostly decolorized video whose blue screen takes the form of a foggy forest. But then during the chorus the sun comes out and makes everything bright and shiny. That is just thought out God symbolism done to a tee. Message of this one; ‘Do not fear’.

Whoa, now ANOTHER music video, this one is somehow not set in front of a blue screen! It consists of the band walking through the neighborhood collecting kids and creating a mob scene. They must be off to protest an abortion clinic.

And there roll the credits! And this is when I discover that this show is Canadian, which makes perfect sense to me in hindsight.

Well, what can be said about this? Barbs and jabs aside, this was not the worst thing I have ever seen, I might even say that is was more entertaining than I was expecting. If you are the type of parent who loves the baby Jesus, and want your kids to love the baby Jesus too, this is probably a pretty decent show to have them watch. I would think that about the age of 9 they will outgrow it and want some Metallica in their lives, but as long as you are sheltering them, might as well shelter them with this show. Unlike Bibleman, this show did not insult my intelligence very much at all, and dare I say the songs were not horrible if you into religious pop songs.

Color me disappointed, I wanted to really crush this show. Maybe I’m getting soft in my ripe old age. This is not something I would push on my own kids if I had them, but I could totally see how good Christian folks would put this on and dance around to it with their 6 year old kids.

Blech, I need another beer to wash this joyous, positive taste from my mouth.

-Ray

Thoughts on RAW

Monday, October 20th, 2008

Ok, I’m just getting around to watching last week’s WWE RAW this afternoon, and I again have a few thoughts on the show;

Chris Jericho is just awesome. He has found the new Jericho character and is just crushing with it. The stipulation of picking Batista’s opponent and vice verse is a pretty good one.

Cyber Sunday is an interesting idea. And by interesting I mean ‘Way to bilk the viewers out of 99 cents per text they send in to vote’.

Charlie Haas sucks. He is not funny. The Hulk Hogan bit tonight was just sad. I mean, it might have been funny, if we had not seen it already done like 900 times before this. Not just that, but Haas did a Jim Ross bit a while ago, and was I the only one wondering why that was OK but the WCW ‘Oklahoma’ character was not kosher? It was the same damn thing!

Anyways, Haas needs to join Kenny Dykstra on the ‘People who need to get off my TV’ list. This impression of more talented wrestlers bit is not working, maybe it would with a more entertaining person doing it. But you can’t take crap in a bag, put a bow on the bag, and try to sell it to me as anything other than crap in a bag.

Might I also add that Michael Cole is not a good actor. That being said when he is made to say/do something not genuine to himself, it comes off as weak. So when he is forced to laugh at the Charlie Haas ‘Comedy’ and talk about how funny it is, it reads untrue. This only adds to the annoyance I feel while watching it, and makes Michael Cole look stupid. I understand that credibility is probably a silly thing to ask for in a pro wrestling announcer, but don’t piss on my shoes and tell me it’s raining.

Why is Johnny Knoxville on RAW? And why won’t he take off his sunglasses? Is it too bright inside in the arena? And way to get ‘celebrities’ whose star burnt out 4 years ago. Does he still even have a show anymore? And to pair him with The Great Khali? Seriously? That’s like throwing up on a puddle of urine. If we are all lucky Khali will kill him like he did that guy from his wrestling school.

ECW was the highest rated show on the Sci Fi network on Tuesday night! Oh wow! That’s like being the least retarded of Sarah Palin’s kids.

How do people watch this show without a FF button? In the last 20 minutes I’ve gotten a commercial break, a John Cena is injured package, and then a boring Randy Orton promo, followed by another commercial break. I cannot believe that that was the highest rated 15 minute segment of the show.

Maybe it’s old news by now, but I am so happy that Shawn Michaels came back. Ok ok that happened years ago, but I just started watching again this year, and it still has magic for me. There was a pretty long period of time back when I watched last where I thought that I would never see an HBK match ever again. HBK is a joy to watch, and saying that does not make me gay, I don’t think.

Hey look it’s William Regal as a lumberjack! Remember when he was a huge star on this show and the world title picture did not seem out of the question? No? Cause it was only like, a few months ago.

This HBK/Batista match is a classic example of one wrestler walking another through a match. HBK sets up Batista for his next move, Batista takes a moment to understand what is going on, then follows through, lather rinse repeat. How long have you been wrestling Dave? Isn’t it about time that you do not need your opponent to hold your hand and walk you through the entire match?

Random thought just hit me; WWE has WAY too many titles. I am having a hard time thinking of a program going on right now that does not involve a title, and come to think of it, there are titles out there that do not even have a program going on for them right now! Let’s think about this for a sec;
We have a World Title, a Secondary Title, a Women’s Title, and Tag titles FOR EACH SHOW. Add to that an ECW title and that makes 11 belts spread through 2.5 shows. I mean, there are what, 20 wrestlers on RAW and Smackdown, with maybe 15 more on ECW? That makes 11 title holders out of 55 wrestlers. so 20% of all the wrestlers are champions of some kind. This makes being a champion very not special, and the fact that it would seem everyone on the roster has held some title of some kind at one point adds to this effect. In wrestling, titles are a prop, this should be known by now. But that being said the prop has no effect if it’s passed around like the one chick in the D&D group. They at minimum need to cut it down to a singular tag team champion duo, and a singular women’s champion. Cause let’s be honest, people do not give 2 farts to the wind about the extra title holders. Can you name both show’s tag champs and women’s champs without having to think? That’s what I thought, it means nothing already, hack it down to make it special.

Someone get that T-shirt off of Bam Neely, he looks freaking horrible with it on. Look, you are either a menacing, impressive presence or you are not. You cannot be a bodyguard if you need to be hidden by a T-shirt. So either get him into the gym so he can take his shirt off without embarrassing himself, or get him the hell off my TV.

Santino Marella is a joy. His pairing with Beth Phoenix is inspired. The character of the wrestler who needs his girlfriend to beat people up for him is always an entertaining one, and these 2 pull off the angle with style and grace and artistry.

Oh my God, Johnny Knoxville sucks. Can’t even take a bodyslam??? I taught an improv comedian how to take one in 2 minutes at a party once. Granted when it finally came to fruition and I slammed him in a real ring he needed time to recover from the impact. But don’t worry about that, Knoxville sucks at life and now he adds to that by sucking as a wrestler.

And now we have man junk from untalented douchebags all over the ring. Remind me again why this is a good idea?

HOLY SHIT IT’S THE M’FING BOOGEYMAN!!! OMG!!! LOL!!1 11!!1111

And now he is gone and replaced by the black hole of fan interest: The Great Khali.

And Knoxville bangs his head violently on the canvas taking a bump. What a dumbass. Who ‘Trained’ him for this bit? The year 2003?

Crime Tyme is crazy over with the live crowds. PT Barnum once said that ‘Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American People‘.

Miz and Morrison rule. Jillian might have a stupid gimmick with the bad singing thing, but it does get over, so no shame there.

Remind me again what the difference between Kelly Kelly and Michelle McCool is again? Cause I can’t tell one from another without buying a program first.

WTF was the point of that move??? Kelly Kelly just grabbed Jillian by the right hand, beat her with kicks and punches before taking her to the corner where she jumped up the ropes one at a time to land on the top rope, do a back flip, then reverse the hold (which she was applying) into a clothesline. Couldn’t she have just simply given her a clothesline without all that needless jumping around? FUCK, that is what’s wrong with wrestlers today in one short breath.

15 years ago Crime Tyme would have been the biggest heels in WWE(F), today they are crazy over as faces, just to show where wrestling crowds are at nowadays. It’s the same reason why my dick cheating heel character I do keeps getting over as a face with the crowds so I have to turn everywhere I go eventually. I think someone smarter than me could write a thesis on this.

Seeing Jericho with that gigantic title belt around his waist makes me tear up a little each time I see it.

Does Role Models look like the shittiest movie since American Pie: The Naked Mile? I mean, give me one reason why I am not supposed to see that little black kid as anything but a colossal asshole? He talks shit, breaks things, ruins people’s days, then lies about it to their face. I guess in today’s society that makes him a babyface champion. Ugh.

Hmm, CM Punk? I like CM Punk, but I guess I was hoping for some ‘out of the box’ booking here. No offense, but Ultimate Warrior would have popped the crowd more. And Batista is special guest ref? Huh? Why? I get why Jericho was able to change up his hand picked match earlier, but why does Big Dave get to make his own stipulations again?

Holy crap, I get it, Batista has a wycked tattoo on his back, but do I need him to wear a ref shirt with a giant hole in the back to remind me? The damn thing looks like a hospital gown. And might I add that there is NOTHING in this world more manly and menacing than a hospital gown!!!

CM Punk VS. Chris Jericho was entertaining, despite Batista as ref. Who knew that if you take 2 talented wrestlers and let them wrestle, that the result would be something worth watching?

THE END

Show is over, thumbs wavering down on the whole show, there is just too much stupid and pointless to overtake the awesome and brilliant going on right now.

-Ray

WTF???

Monday, October 20th, 2008

How can this be true?

Brett Favre has long been the antichrist in my eyes. I love that he single handedly destroyed the Packers this year, and is not even there to do the losing.

Then I read the above story. Brett actually called up My Detroit Lions and spent over an hour on the phone trying to give us as much in depth info as he could so that we could smite them? Heresy!

By the way Brett, thanks for the info, we still lost by 23.

They say in this life that it is the thought that counts. If that is the case I guess I need to be polite and thank Brett Favre for trying to help us beat the Packers. Now that is something I can get behind, and welcome other former Packers to call the front office and give us as much inside info as possible.

Damn it, I guess Brett knows he is getting close to the end and now is trying to get on my good side while there is still time left. What a jerk!

-Ray