So here is an e-mail conversation that I had with my Mother today.
If you know not of my Mother, it’s OK, only a few do;
Anything new going on?
Are you able to visit with us when we come in the last week of June to Los Angeles? I need to attend a three day conference on that weekend, but we could either come on the beginning of the week or the beginning of the next week to visit you. What’s good for YOU?
How are the cats?
Ok, so no problem so far. Pretty normal stuff. Hey she even asked about my kittys! Cool! That’s always how it starts. My response;
> i am sure that either will be fine, just let me know what you want to do.
> the cats are doing just fine! thanks!
So there you go, again, fairly straightforward. A couple more banal e-mails pass by and then I get a nice, short e-mail from her, the kind I was expecting all along. Kinda like when a friend calls you up that never just calls and then asks about how your day has been, and then after 30 seconds of that tells you some earth shaking piece of info. So here is the short e-mail I was waiting for the whole time;
That was it. No signature, no glitter, just a simple 2 word e-mail. I felt that this deserved a 2 word response;
> Ha! No.
To which I quickly got in response;
Why “Ha, no”?
It is at this point that I know I cannot win. Perhaps she thinks that I am her best chance at Grandkids, perhaps she still worries that I’m totally gay, perhaps she still thinks it would be best for me if I moved to Grand Rapids next door and married a girl with good birthing hips. When in doubt I just come back with the honesty as I see it;
> i laugh because I know that if you had your druthers, you would be calling me to ask that question 5 times a morning.
To get the ultimate statement of stone cold facts laid out in front of my face in return;
You are almost 32 years old!
Hey thanks Mom! You know I still am technically closer to 31 than I am to 32. And I know that in every corner of my family I should be working on my 3rd kid easily by now, but maybe, just maybe I don’t walk that path, just saying. I honestly did not respond to that last e-mail, because seriously, what is there to say? It’s just a roundabout argument that can have no winner, just one person’s desires put ahead of another.
I do not know, how do you go about explaining to your own Mother that you are honestly trying to make something great happen for yourself, and that you will never be happy unless you do everything in your power to achieve your dreams? And sometimes along the way that might preclude you from having a wife and kids, a home in the suburbs with a nice white picket fence, and a job at an ad agency selling gutters during Jerry Springer?
There may be no correct answer. I am fully convinced that she would rather see me with the wrong woman than no woman at all. And this is where the fundamental divide happens.
As the song says, ‘So it goes my friend, so it goes.’