http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_vatican_saint
So, the Catholic Church is naming some guy from Hawaii who worked with lepers a saint. The guy took the name Damien and went to Hawaii knowing that he would never return, and died of, guess what, leprosy at the age of 49. He did this in the mid-late 1800’s.
So they off and name this guy a freaking saint? What a joke! Did he do good things and ultimately die as a result? Sure, that’s what happens to religious morons. But to name him a saint? Really?
In order to become a saint you have to perform 2 miracles. Now, since people these days require a little something called PROOF in their miracles, this would seemingly mean that no more saints would ever be named, since, you know, miracles are pretty lies.
Nope, miracles are a whole lot easier to come by when you drop the standard of what constitutes a miracle these days. So, both of his ‘miracles’ consisted of sick people who prayed to him, (Instead of God or Jesus might I add. Unless they prayed to him in addition to others, in which case the miracle distinction loses even more credibility!) and then those sick people got better. 2 times in like the last 150 years that has happened, and so that constitutes 2 ‘miracles’ and so let’s name the dude a saint! Yee-haw!
So here is what I propose. If you are one of my readers and you contract some terminal illness, I would ask that you pray to me to get better. Then if you defy the odds and beat the illness, tell every Catholic figure you meet about your experience. Since that is all it takes to constitute a miracle, I figure I’ll be sainted in the next 50 years!!!
And also you’re welcome for me making you beat your terminal illness and stuff. It really was nothing.
See you idiots in Heaven, I’ll be the one holding the clipboard!!!
-St. Almighty Ray