Archive for March, 2009

The AlmightyRay.com

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

You know, this website can be funny.

I write things here, and sorta figure that nobody actually cares, and that I’m just doing it for myself.

But I’ve been discovering more and more lately that people actually do read this crap, and that people actually do care.

This is weird.

I mean, usually I just get mildly intoxicated, become unjustly fired up over something minimal, and just let the verbal diarrhea fly without caring about what it means to who. But I keep having conversations with various people, some of whom I know really well, some I haven’t known well in years, and some that I won’t know well until the future. In these conversations, I find that these people do read this stuff, and the words impact them in some way.

Yesterday I had a lovely Facebook chat with a lovely young lady that I haven’t had any contact with in many years. I reached out with an old story that I remembered from waaaaay back when, and she told me that she had read my post about Natasha Richardson and that it really hit a nerve in her. She also said that our conversation totally brightened her week, and that brought me more joy than I can say. Because recent events have caused me to believe that conversating with me doesn’t bring much joy to anyone.

Anyways, thanks to everyone for reading and caring. Well, except for you in the black, I could do without you, heh. I promise to keep going, because as long as I keep seeing things that are stupid to me, I will always have more things to write about. And trust you me, I’ve seen ALOT of things lately that I find highly stupid.

Thanks for the support, it means more than you could know.

-Ray

Poetry Fun!

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

So I’ve worked out a thing with Steve Wright over at Shock Therapy TV.

He has a long series called ‘Hand Puppet Theater’. That usually consists of a hand puppet performing stand up jokes. However, in one case I saw he had the hand puppet performing some slam style poetry!

Well, that happens to be right in my wheelhouse type area!

So I sent him a bunch of my old, short poems from my poetry slam days. (Many of whom can be read on this very site) He is working on making internet videos of these specifically for use with my sketch comedy show Pop Co!

So anyways, I look greatly forward to seeing what he comes up with, and will for sure post the results on this site when they become available!

SCORE!

-Ray

ps. Today I also shot Swimkata: Episode 3. In it I shoot a ninja. This is the awesome. if you have not seen Swimkata 1 & 2 what the heck is wrong with you? Here they are;



Ebbs and Flows

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

So, this will not be a news flash to some of you, but I’ve been pretty down for a little while now. I don’t know full on if it’s my general state of brokeness, angst over my future projects, the weather, the wrong cycle of the M/D winds, or just a general melange of blah but the last month or so has been a little tough.

Add to that the fact that for the first time in 3.5 years of living out here I finally met a nice young lady that I actually feel like I could have a mutually awesome relationship with. And upon me finally saying something and putting it out there, (Which takes a whole heck of a lot if you know me) I got a weird form of rejection that sounded more like I was being dropped into carbonite than actually told ‘No, I’m just not interested’. This hasn’t helped me any.

But through all that I have found today that fate was conspiring to make me have a pretty good day. It was really just a bunch of little things.

I found an extra quarter in the slot when I got my subway ticket.
The subway train pulled into the station right as I was coming down the escalator.
I saw Ron Howard’s brother having dinner at my restaurant, I am pretty sure he was in some bad horror movie I saw where he was captain of a small boat or something. That is the radness.
I got the pleasure of helping out an injured co-worker by moving some shifts around so that I could work for her Tuesday afternoon at lunch. (I consider being able to help others in times of need to be a wonderful thing)
I made good money at work tonight and people were generally friendly and cool.
I met Tracy Morgan, who was faded beyond belief, just after work when he was wandering around CityWalk looking for a cab.
I was offered a ride from work to my rehearsal unrequested, and took it, which was great. (Thanks Jeremy!)
Rehearsal (For a little IO West writing 2 show I agreed to do this week) went great, I had a few suggestions and people seemed genuinely pleased with them.
And then I got a ride home from a nice writer who was interested in writing for my show ‘Pop Co’.

I suppose that when life kicks you in the balls it sometimes feels that it must make amends in some way. And this day was in a small way me getting back one point in the plus column.

Ah well, I’m sure tomorrow will be a train wreck to make up for it, right?

-Ray

Life Is Short

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

Natasha Richardson, wife of Liam Neeson, died the other day when she was out skiing.

She fell down while on the slopes and died from trauma to the head.

First thing to be said, this is another glowing example of why I don’t ski. I have seen too many people get hurt and worse while doing this activity. I used to ski myself, and I had a blast doing it, I was even kinda good at it when I was younger. This all ceased when I saw first hand the dangers involved. My youngest sister slipped while skiing and fell and banged her head full force off of a utility pole, causing severe head trauma, and nearly ending her life. She has never been the same since.

Perhaps this is a formative memory for me, and walking into the hospital room to see her all messed up, not knowing what will happen had a profound impact on how I view life.

This sad situation with Natasha Richardson leads me back to one of my most important beliefs; You only get one chance at this life, and you don’t know how long you got, so strive every day to be the person that you want to be, and stop wasting time on bullshit that holds you back.

Every time I see someone struck down in their prime it reinforces this thought in my own mind. The only regrets I myself have ever had were due to my own inaction.

I will never stop trying, I will never stop fighting, I will never stop believing.

This is the tenet of Almighty Ray

-Ray

Monkey House!!!

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

Ok, so here is the first strip of the webcomic MONKEY HOUSE.

I did not write this particular strip, but mine cycle up in a few weeks.
Note the Kazaam movie poster in the background and the fact that Derek is wearing a ‘Pop Co’ T-shirt. Both are indirectly inspired by myself! So, prepare in the coming months to bi-weekly enjoy the adventures of Derek and his monkey friend Moe, as they do things and make fun of other things.

Word!

-Ray

Watchmen Saturday Morning Cartoon

Monday, March 16th, 2009

This is just…..wow.

GO GET CUTLER!!!

Monday, March 16th, 2009

I am watching ESPN and see that Denver Broncos QB Jay Cutler is having a tiff with his current team. He has asked to be traded today, and skipped out on his brand new coach’s first team meeting.

The GM of Your Detroit Lions should be on the phone constantly with Denver trying to get this guy.

Right now the Lions have the #1 overall pick in the draft, and look to draft a QB. Trade the darn #1 pick to Denver for Cutler!!! Cutler can play, he’s in his prime, and has already proven that he is a talented Quarterback of quality. Wouldn’t that be better than an unproven Matt Stafford? Shoot, maybe we can even get a 4th round pick from Denver out of the deal as well? Denver has a brand new head coach who is looking to put his new stamp on his new team. Starting over with Stafford would seem like a better choice for them than keeping around an unhappy Cutler. This seems like slam dunk obvious.

So no doubt they’ll find a way to screw it up.

-Ray

My Friend Rabbit

Friday, March 13th, 2009

It’s time.

Check that…it’s WAY past time.

The next installment of Kids Show Roundup is ten times past overdue. So let’s make it happen!

I need to confess though, usually I painstakingly search out each of the kids shows I watch for this segment. Not in this case though, I just knew I was way overdue so I grabbed the first mildly interesting one I could find and slapped it on my DVR. So with that in mind, let’s let the show begin;

My Friend Rabbit. Originally aired on Wednesday, 3/11/09 at 3pm on Channel 30, ION. I have no idea what ION is.
30 min, ‘An animated series following the adventures of best friends Rabbit and Mouse. (Animated)’. Well, I guess that makes sense. Let’s fire this sucker up!!!

Well, let’s see, the animation is about on par with what you would find in a toilet paper commercial. The opening theme song is a folksy little number about doing it together, hmm, sounds like fun! Hmm, in the opening bit Rabbit and Mouse find a water hole. Rabbit runs around it a couple times while Mouse just stands there not walking around it until Rabbit helps him over. I can see already that this is a bit of a one sided relationship. I understand now why it’s not called, ‘My Friend Mouse’.

Also apparently their friends are an alligator and 4 ducklings, and a hippo, oh and an elephant. The Rabbit high fives the Alligator and I already am against this show for teaching our kids to high five. As anyone over 30 knows by now, high fives are only to be done ironically!

Mouse drops his cheese. This would not be so bad, except that he is sitting on Rabbit’s FACE when he does it. No, seriously. Mouse points out how important it is to say sorry after doing that, and I get a general uneasiness washing over me. Mouse then starts eating blueberries and tells me that we have just learned a very important lesson. Oh wait, no, he corrects himself, it was a ‘BERRY important lesson’. Ah, you win this round Mouse. The general uneasiness is quickly slipping away to terror, and we are only a minute in. There’s 2 strikes on the show, teaching kids about both high fives AND fruit puns? This should be illegal.

Rabbit and Mouse discuss the clouds and who they look like. Now Mouse sits on Rabbit’s lap, I see. A squirrel offers blueberries to the duo. She says that she wants a favor in return, because apparently she is the Godfather of the forest of woe, or something. Mouse whines about it, and Squirrel gives up and takes off, leaving the blueberries and a warning to only eat a couple. This was most likely a mistake.

The duo then starts making excuses as to why they must eat more than their fair share of blueberries. As the excuses get lamer, the pile gets smaller, and poof, no more blueberries! Rabbit and Mouse express mild concern about the situation, when Rabbit asks Mouse what they should do. Mouse’s answer? Lie! Of course! Mouse concocts a story about a bird or something, complete with impression. Rabbit teaches Mouse the error of his ways, and says that the truth would be better. Rabbit, of course, is wrong.

Our heroes go searching for more berries, and run into Alligator, while he fishes. I mean I assume he is fishing, with that stick and line reaching into the water. I do not believe that he will actually catch anything though, the sheer brutality of the spectacle of it would probably not fit in with the themes presented in the show. Alligator suggests that they find a place that has not been picked clean and look for blueberries there. Good plan, so off to some sort of island they go!

Rabbit insists that this is a good idea. He starts to swim across, when Mouse suggests that it would be tough to bring the berries back in this fashion. Rabbit agrees so off they go again to find some floating boat like contraption, or a raft or something, it was pretty vague. Off to get it back from the Gibble Goose Girls!

The device is the Pon-D-Floater. It turns out to be a loose board of some kind. The Geese remind Rabbit that they whole reason he loaned it to them, was because it was broken and had a hole in it. Wow, that is a pretty jerky thing to do! Sure, I’ll loan it to you, but only after I break it!

Mouse takes a moment to soliloquy about the state of the current situation. Because 6 minutes in, I’m already confused and demanding of a recap. Thanks Mouse!!!

You know, based on my limited knowledge of physics, I do not think a small hole would be enough to stop this board from floating. I mean, I’m no Mr. Wizard, but I am pretty sure it’d still be good. My point seems proven accurate when it is suggested and agreed that putting something ‘floaty’ over the hole. They use bark and some strange beige substance they find on a tree to fix it. Success!!!

They travel to the island, and find some blueberry trees! They start to load up the board and discuss for about the 600th time how bad they feel about eating the berries the first time, and how happy Hazel the Squirrel will be once they give her more to replace them. Um, wouldn’t she be equally happy to have her originals? Just asking. OH NOOOOO! The board starts to float away!!! Of course, watching earlier, Rabbit could just swim out and retrieve it, but I’m pretty sure it will not be solved that easily.

Rabbit tells Mouse to grab to board, Mouse instead turns to the camera and has another monologue about the current situation. Ok, really? You just gave us a recap 2 minutes ago, are kid’s attention spans really this short???

You know, Rabbit could be one of the most hilarious looking characters I’ve seen in doing this. I mean, something is terribly wrong with him, and every time I freeze frame, he just always looks like he has the most delightful form of mental retardation. I wish there was a better way to express it, but that’s it.

Rabbit thinks quick and grabs a stick to stop the board from floating away. they then use the stick to turn the board into a gondola to float down to where they need to go. Good plan!

Mouse notices a bunch of bees around, and Rabbit explains the world of pollen and flowers kinda sorta close enough. They look around for a hive when Rabbit knocks one with his stick and it falls right on the board they are floating on! This does not look good for our heroes.

Rabbit says that he is sorry and the bees are shockingly patient about the whole thing. Rabbit improbably uses the stick to put the hive back, and everyone is way cool to each other.

Making it back on time, they replace the blueberries and explain what happened. Squirrel suggests that they get some honey to eat with them. Hmm, if only there was a place to get honey, hmm. WAIT A SEC!!!

And so we finish with a picnic of bees, Rabbit, Squirrel, and Mouse eating blueberries with honey. This is not a food combination I had considered before, and hopefully will not ever again.

COMMERCIAL OASIS!
The typical fare, Barbie, Chuck-E-Cheese, Toy Cars. Hey wait, that Barbie thing was a temporary tattoo device! Aren’t they having enough trouble with the tattooed ‘My First Mistake’ Barbie they were talking about doing? Hmm, some people never learn.

Hmm, apparently this is the QUBO channel, or not, or something. I just do not know.

Back to the show!!!

Mouse is on a stump to give us some set up, Mouse is having a birthday today! He stops to pay various complements to his own reflection in the water, but knowing Mouse, of course he is. The animals are all setting up a surprise party for him. Rabbit makes a life sized statue of Mouse out of twigs and leaves. But the statue has NO TAIL! Mouse is not happy, but feigns joy. I guess Mouse has never heard of artistic license.

Mouse complains to Alligator about the statue. Alligator doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but Mouse is just freaking out about it. Alligator suggests Mouse confront Rabbit about it, I have a feeling that if it were so easy, the episode would be very short. As Mouse walks up to confront, Hippo compliments Rabbit on the statue. Mouse runs away, I think I have known many women who remind me of Mouse.

Mouse decides that the best thing to do is start up a conspiracy involving everyone but Rabbit. They concoct a plan to bring up the topic of tails to Rabbit, in hopes that he will get the hint. I have a strange feeling like he will not.

They now play a game called ‘Shakey Shakey Freeze’. I have a feeling that if I played this game it would be called ‘Shakey Shakey Barf’. Mouse dances close to his statue and Rabbit finally notices his tail. Mouse insists that there are lots of things he can do with his tail. A comment I choose to leave right there thank you very much.

Problem is Rabbit still cannot put 2 and 2 together In the end, Mouse wins this game, and they decide to go do something else. Alligator once again suggests just telling Rabbit what is up. Mouse finds this to be unacceptable, and instead uses his birthday wish to wish that Rabbit would see his ‘No-Tail’ error. I think that this is a terrible waste of a wish. Then again, I always spend my birthday alone wishing that she’d call. ::sigh::

Moving on! The statue falls over and Hippo notices that it is missing a tail and blurts it all out! Rabbit now knows and feels shame! Shame I say! Rabbit owns it right away and says that he forgot to put one on in his hurry to complete it. Mouse FLIPS OUT and starts berating Rabbit for screwing up. Hmm, for spending the whole episode worried about hurting his feelings, Mouse sure doesn’t seem to care when the green light is flashing, does he? Rabbit handles himself really well, and asks Mouse why he didn’t just say something if it was bothering him so much. Mouse does not have much of an answer. They both own it together, and remain the best of huggy friends. Awwwww.

Rabbit now makes it his mission to find a new tail. They decide to bring in everyone to this task. And now the statue has a bomb diggity tail, and everyone wins! YAY!!!

COMMERCIAL OASIS #2.

And I go use it, cause this bourbon is flowing through me.

You know, I cant believe that this show has much more time to go. Even if it does, I am not sure I want to keep going.

I do have to say that I love these commercials I see for Inventnow.org. They tell kids that they can invent anything that they want, and to keep on trying, and imagination is important. And then they suggest that they go to the website to begin inventing now…or just play games. Yay! How quickly the website sells itself short. So, go here kids and cure cancer, or if you don’t feel like doing that just hit up some Connect 4. SCORE! Those are some options I can work with!

And with that, the show is over. The very minimal closing credits act as a clever bookend to the very minimal opening credits which started the show. It is revealed that the show in Canadian, which starts to make a whole lot of sense to me now that I think about it.

Final Verdict: This is not horrible for what it is. This show is going to teach some sort of usable life lesson, even if it has to recap said lesson every 2 minutes to really hammer it home. Rabbit was truly a delight, I wish Rabbit was my friend, that guy is pretty darn cool and easygoing! Of the shows I have watched, this one did not insult my intelligence too much, and actually tried to have something to say. All in all if I had kids, I’d be cool with them watching My Friend Rabbit.

-Ray

Low Rollers

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

Well, this is it, the night of the screening of the movie I was in.

The movie is called ‘Low Rollers’ and if you live in the greater Hollywood area you should come see it!

The website for the movie is www.myspace.com/lowrollersmovieoptical communication

In the movie I play Ryan Stein, a hyper caffeinated jackass who quits his job to become a competitive marble player. It’s actually a pretty solid role and I have plenty of the screen time!!! SCORE!

So there y’all go. Maybe I’ll see you tonight!

-Ray

World Baseball Classic

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009

You know, I think that the WBC is pretty darn cool.

I’m sitting here watching Italy play Venezuela in what is fast becoming a rout. But still I see such potential for grand worldwide interest and growth of the game. I keep hearing negative American press on the whole event and I just believe that these people are missing the boat completely.

The WBC is not for the Americans. It is for the rest of the world. Once our media understands that, they will be more able to enjoy it.

The theory is, if we hold these events and invite the world to play, the global interest in baseball will escalate. This will lead to greater exposure, and with greater exposure no doubt will come more popularity. More kids will be interested and possibly take up playing baseball themselves. Thusly, down the line, cause the talent pool of baseball players to improve as well.

Net result: Major League Baseball has an even higher level of player, creating more enjoyment for all it’s fans. Boom.

So ESPN and FSN should just sit back and enjoy it, and not worry about the local ratings etc. This event is a really good thing if you are a fan of the game of baseball.

-Ray