Archive for April, 2009

Pistons

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Now that the season is officially over, I have a little bit to say.

First off, can we place trading Chauncey Billups for ‘Rapping Shitbag’ Allen Iverson the worst thing done by a GM since Dumars drafted Darko? I thought that trade smelled like day old diaper when it happened, and was sadly proved correct.

That was ‘Rapping Shitbag’, BTW, not ‘Raping Shitbag’. The second title is reserved for Kobe Bryant.

Anyways, let’s face facts, the Pistons are in a state of flux. This is seemingly a long term plan. because next year does not look better. We are going to dump A.I. and Rasheed Wallace. This will free up mucho cap space. Theoretically we are going to go after Dwayne Wade/Lebron James when they come free after next season.

This will not happen for us.

No, our best bet is to go after Mr. Chris Bosh (Aka that guy we should have drafted instead of Darko) after next season to play the Center position. Combine that with mainstays Prince and Hamilton. As well as newbies Stuckey and Maxiell and you got yourself a decent starting 5! Especially with the young guys getting yet another season under their belts next year!

Sadly this plan will not be good in the short term. We can expect slightly better than we had this year, next year. I do not know off the top of my head what free agents are there this offseason for us, but I can only assume that Joe D. has somebody in mind. Also, our draft pick should be decent in this, a very deep draft.

So expect a few growing pains in the near future, but a couple years from now Your Detroit Pistons should be back on top again!

I mean, once David Stern gets his Kobe vs. Lebron finals in 2 straight years that he is pushing through right now. I mean seriously? Fuck David Stern, that guy is Vince McMahon in a cheaper suit.

To paraphrase/misquote Futurama; ‘I used to think that the NBA was real like Pro Wrestling, but it turned out that it was fake like Boxing’.

-Ray

Draft Talk

Friday, April 24th, 2009

Ok, want to get this out before the draft on Saturday;

Your Detroit Lions are going to have a very interesting day at the draft this year.

That being said it would appear that they will take Matthew Stafford with the overall #1 pick. Boy, I hope that he is the guy. By that I mean I hope he does not turn out to be a mega bust, not that I hope that he is who they take.

Let’s face facts, the team has got alot of needs, and it would behoove them to trade down. Nobody wants to trade down however, so they be stuck.

An interesting thought hit me earlier today. It would seem that the Browns are looking to potentially trade away Brady Quinn. Maybe they wish to try and draft QB Mark Sanchez at 5? What if Sanchez gets drafted at #4 by a team trading up to get him? Would Cleveland perchance trade with the Lions? Matt Stafford for the #5 pick and Brady Quinn? Then the Lions could draft OT Eugene Monroe or DE Brian Orakpo and fill another need with (theoretically) the QB position covered? That way Cleveland could start Derek Anderson for a year and groom Stafford for the role over time, instead of throwing him to the wolves right away. Just a thought, I really do not even like Brady Quinn to be honest, but it made me think a little.

What I would like to see Detroit do;

Pass on Stafford. Draft either LB Aaron Curry or OT Jason Smith at #1. They will cost less, and have less ‘bust’ potential. We cannot afford high level busts at this point.

Use the #20 pick to take QB Josh Freeman. If he is not there, go with USC LB Rey Maualuga, who is projected around that slot. If Freeman is gone and they took Aaron Curry at #1, go with the best available OT, and if that feels like too much of a reach, take the top rated Defensive player.

The first pick of round 2 is interesting. Somebody is going to slip who is a mid first round talent. We would be wise to snatch that guy up, cause not only will he be very good, but he’ll also be pissed off and come into the league with a HUGE chip on his shoulder. Barring that, I would love to see Detroit take (Yeah I’ll say it) LB James Laurinaitis. James’s father is former WWE(F) wrestler Animal from the Legion of Doom!!! We need more Animal blood on our team. This I believe. Of course if we take Curry or Maualuga this pick would make no sense, just go with the top rated player. One of the bonuses of having so many needs is that they can take a player from about any position (BUT NOT WR!!!) and it would make sense.

In any case, This draft will be very interesting to watch. I am very curious to see how it all works itself out. With no Matt Millen to mismanage everything, I actually for the first time in almost a decade have a good feeling about the draft. At least I have a good feeling that I will not be embarrassed about the results.

GO LIONS!!!

-Ray

Alberta Tourism

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

Oh you silly silly Canadians. If you want to advertise touristy stuff to get people to come to your frozen country, I suggest going with your strengths and not stealing scenery from other countries.

This is brought about by THIS ARTICLE.

So the following tourism ad was launched for Alberta;

Never mind that the picture is actually that of a relatively famous place in ENGLAND!

This has inspired me to create my own tourism ads for Alberta. Enjoy!




-Ray

Be Smart People!

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

I just saw a news report that said that former Jacksonville Jaguars WR Jimmy Smith is facing serious charges following an arrest for DUI where he was caught with both wacky tobaccy and crack in his car.

WTF?

Listen folks, if you do recreational drugs, i think less of you. If that is not enough to deter you, then so be it. But to be rich, and to get caught having CRACK in your car is totally unacceptable.

I mean, how bad is your addiction to crack that you just can’t leave the house without it!?

At least keep the shit in your trunk if you are on your way home from scoring some crack.

If you are famous and love crack, you just got to find a trusted friend or family member to get it for you. To be caught literally holding the bag means that you are a moron who deserved to be caught. No sympathy, no tears, just throw the book at you.

Boo on Jimmy Smith, stupid is as anal rape does (At least that is what I saw on Oz).

-Ray

Easter

Sunday, April 12th, 2009

It’s everyone’s favorite holiday Easter! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoot!!111

He is risen! Glory to the highest! Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

Let us celebrate the greatest con of all history! And let’s do it with marshmallow Peeps!

What do you mean nobody was guarding the back door to the burial mound? WTF?! Eh, must have been magic.

My fanatically religious seminary student work friend was hard at it tonight. I had the section in the same room as said fellow, and he was more unbelievable than usual tonight.

I try so hard to be patient and nice, if you know me, you know this to be true.

But when every single time I go into the server station to use the computer, I get inundated with statements like, ‘Oh here is Ray, that guy who thinks my Grandfather was a monkey’. Or, ‘Oh look, it’s that guy who thinks that God isn’t real, what a fool!’ It starts to gnaw at my groove.

First off, thanks for letting me know what I think, it’s so helpful to know that what I obviously must believe can be broken down so simply by words from another person. Never mind my every statement that said that life is far beyond the understand of a mortal brain at this time, and that any person who tells you that they have a firm understanding of this reality is either an idiot or a liar. Never mind the words that I have actually used when you can make things up that satisfy your simple brain so much more easily.

Here is the deal, I believe that EVERY SINGLE RELIGION is a lie that is used to control people. The End. I do not claim to have any answers, because as earlier stated, nobody has the answers in this Earthen Prison. We are not in a place where we can understand what happens around us, and I am perfectly happy having certain areas of doubt and uncertainty in my own life. I do not feel any less for just admitting that I don’t have a fucking clue. And I cannot understand the human desire to accept lies as opposed to uncertainty.

When confronted with a fellow like the gentleman I work with, who lives his life in seclusion and only consorts with others who agree with him so that they can all circle jerk about how right about everything they all are, I am not gripped with anger or denial or uncertainty. No, I am filled with genuine sadness that someone could live that way. Sadness that another human being, when faced with the same reality that I am, would spend his whole life deceiving others. Sadness that these people are more able to accept as true reality the notion that Adam and Eve is a true story, and that the first people had open 2 way conversations with snakes, than the idea that evolution is real and that ‘shit changes’ is a realistic concept to comprehend.

It frankly fills me with genuine sadness, as if I need any more right now.

ah well, fuck it, I’m strong enough to persevere.

And the notion of candy filled plastic eggs hidden in the yard fills me not with trepidation but with joy.
I can get behind candy filled plastic eggs my friends, that is a common ground that connects me and my crazy friends.

Happy Easter y’all. No religious sentiment meant, I just hope every day is wonderful for everyone, and today is no different.

-Ray

MLB Predictions 2009

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Ok gang, it’s time once again to flaunt my brilliance against the rest of the world…again.

If you write a blog, you are invited to join the challenge with me. Pick the winners of all the divisions and wild card teams this year, and then pick who goes to and wins the World Series.

It’s easy, and I am pretty sure I’ve never lost this to anyone.

For the record, here are my picks…

AL East: Boston
AL Central: Minnesota
AL West: LA Angels
Wild Card: Tampa Bay

NL East: Philadelphia
NL Central: Chicago Cubs
NL West: LA Dodgers
Wild Card: St. Louis

World Series: Cubs lose to the LA Angels of Anaheim 4 games to 1.

OK World, let’s see what you come up with!

Joy

Monday, April 6th, 2009

So, I’m at work the other day as I am often doing.

A conversation came up where the topic was ‘Working Alot’.

I happened to say that I am working an awful lot lately, yet when I have more than 2 days off in a row I tend to feel something funny that I do not like.

My conversationalist, Katie, says to me, ‘It’s called joy Ray, maybe you should try it more often’.

Maybe I should.

-Ray

Why Funny Guys Get The Babes?

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/02/women.funny.men.intelligent/index.html

Wow! I find this article to be highly insulting.

You know, funny guys get laid ALL THE TIME. That’s why most stand up comics you meet are so happy and well adjusted and in healthy relationships.

Oh wait, you mean none of those things are true? Huh.

Let’s face facts here people, women meet a funny guy, and he makes them laugh and brings them joy. Then she goes home and fucks the ski instructor/personal trainer/rock band guitarist.

If you are ever talking to a chick, and she busts out with the words, ‘Oh my God you are so funny!’ you already know that you will not be having sex with her, that night or ever.

Yeah, funny guys totally get girls, that’ll be the fucking day.

-Ray

Sense and Faith

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

This is a funny topic to me.

My restaurant is a bit of a haven for people who love the baby Jesus. A few of my co-workers are going to seminary school to learn all the proper and effective ways to brainwash people with lies.

One of these fellows likes to sometimes intimidate people with talk of religion, and their personal relationship with the Lord. People try to be nice about it, but when every time to are trying to key in a Linguini Frutti di Mare you get hit with another question about the book of Romans, it can get annoying.

So I try to step in as the designated non religious person at my place of employment, and draw these evangelical’s focus away from their intended targets, and on to me where there words are meaningless. So far it’s worked and been super hilarious at the same time.

Last time, after I referenced all those poor cavemen who are in hell because they never had a chance to believe in the baby Jesus since he came long after they were dead; I found out that I work with someone who think the world is less than 3000 years old, and that fills me with more joy that can be counted on 3000 hands.

All this leads me to the following quote, which brought this all out of me in the first place;

People Who Don’t Believe in Evolution but Love Antibiotics

Seriously? Either you believe in science or you don’t. If you want to say sentences to me like “God made the earth 29 years ago out of Billy Graham’s stool” or “Every time you take the morning-after pill, Satan has two orgasms,” then go ahead and stay away from Dr. Syringey O’Medicine, MD, from here on out. Because you know that pill that made your strep throat go away? Science invented that. For you. Hey, why don’t you just pray for God to take care of that root canal? I’ll tell you why: Because God didn’t go to dental school, because dental schools don’t admit people who DON’T EXIST.

This brought me much of the joy. if you’d like to read the funny full article it came from, CLICK HERE.

That’s what I got for now. Should I have another battle of Sense vs. Faith I’ll be sure to put up the box score after the game.

-Ray