Archive for June, 2009

Wait….Another Affair? WTF?!?!?!

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

I thought Senator Ensign would be the last we’d hear about one of the Grand Old Philanderers falling off the monogamy bandwagon.

Let’s look at the facts AGAIN!

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford goes missing.
He tells his office he is probably hiking the Appalachian Trail.
He swipes a Government vehicle and goes to the Atlanta Airport
He flies to ARGENTINA to fuck his mistress.
He comes back a week later without contacting anyone for most of the time and holds a press conference to own it.
He resigns from his GOP positions but NOT as Governor.

Let me ask the same questions I asked about Ensign;

Was he a ‘Family Values’ Conservative?

Was he one of the guys who loudly railed against Clinton during the Lewinsky affair?

Did he loudly demand that Clinton resign his post after the affair on moral grounds?

Did Sanford resign as Governor when his own indiscretions came to light?

So, once again we are left with yet another Republican hypocrite who feels that what is good for others is too good for himself. See, when you claim higher moral ground on all things, you are held to a higher standard. If you fail to live up to the self imposed standard you set, you deserve all the shame you get. On the plus side for him, at least he didn’t have sex with a dude, so the GOPhilanderers at least are staying one step from the hypocrisy bottom.

Mark Sanford is a LIAR, a CHEAT, a HYPOCRITE, and a PIECE OF SHIT.

The people of South Carolina should impeach his sorry ass, and never look back.


Sorry Texas Ladies…

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

I made a realization last night while in my sickly haze.

I do not think I could ever date a female who hailed from the great state of Texas.

I’ve just noticed that young ladies from Texas and me just plain do not jive together. They don’t get me, and I don’t get them. This is not to say anything disparaging about the lovely young Texan ladies. It’s just that in this, they are totally wrong, because I am awesome.

I don;t know for sure what it is. But Texans don’t seem to understand the language of sardonic biting wit. There is a certain thing that Midwesterners have in common, and that is a sassy, sarcastic way about them. I think it’s a gene that you acquire through drinking Faygo and plowing snow.

But when I am my typical charming self around delightful Texans, I tend to get strange blank stares. It’s as if I just tried to explain thermodynamics in Chinese to them. there is a polite smile, and a quick departure.

Also, why aren’t Texans ever in a hurry to do anything? Whether it be walking, speaking, or thinking, I’ve noticed that those folks never seem to be able to get to where it is they are trying to go with any expediency at all. You ever been to a theme park with a Texan? It’s death. Slow, slow, meandering death. I think you get to go on like, 2 rides before the sun goes down. They don’t want to do the activities that the theme park would lay out for you. No, they just want to wander around the park and look at things with a slightly agape smile. This also does not jive with me.

So, in short, I apologize to all the Texan ladies out there. But I don’t get you, and you clearly do not get me. This is a shame, because Texas women I’ve heard are the tallest in the country, and that is awesome. But sadly it will never be. Ah well, at least the Canadians still love me.


Be a Tourist in Cleveland!!!

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

I mean, this tourism ad convinced me!

A Quick Word From Almighty Ray

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

Another Affair???

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

Wow, seriously? How can the GOP aka the Grand Old Philanderers keep up this ‘Family Values’ line of crap??? ANOTHER top line Republican Senator admits to an affair. There are obvious questions…

Did R Sen-NV John Ensign publicly go full force against Bill Clinton during the Lewinsky affair?

Did R Sen-NV John Ensign resign his post after admission of said guilt?

Did R Sen-NV John Ensign fuck a dude?

What the hell is up with this??? We all know that Democrats have sex with women, and Republicans have sex with men. I mean, that’s as natural as the tides! What does this John Ensign fellow think he is doing being a Republican and having sex with a woman!? It’s embarrassing for the party of closeted homos!

Anyways, it’s interesting that the people who most notably pounded Clinton in the 90′s for his affair are the ones who absolve themselves politically of their own affairs years later. Let me just say that Republicans are the worst form of hypocrites, not that this is news.

So man up Ensign, and resign. Or is what you wanted Clinton to do on moral grounds years ago too good for yourself?


Me on the 6 o’clock news

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

Old School Weird Al

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

I found this on YouTube and wanted to repost.

It’s Weird Al from 1989 getting interviewed on The Pat Sajak Show.

Pat comes off a bit like a tool who doesn’t quite ‘get it’. But Al was in great spirits and did a great job.


Thursday, June 11th, 2009

This could be my new favorite news story.

A woman is trying to sue the Cap’n Crunch folks for deception. Deception you ask? Yes, she claims that she was deceived by the company because Crunch Berries are not actual fruit.

Yes, go ahead, read that one again. I’ll wait.

Now, a quick rebuttal from me;

Where do you think they grow the Crunchberries? Do you think that somewhere deep in the Amazon Rainforest there exists a tribe of natives who yield the highest Crunchberry output in the world? They have a vast Crunchberry field set up next to their Schnozberry one. And no, of course Crunchberries do not resemble fruit, don’t be silly. They resemble sugar sweetened corn cereal! It’s part of the magic of the Amazonian tribe and the fertile grounds they grow in.

Or, you be tarded and need to stop, now.


Me now.

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

Here is a vid from this past weekend of me wrestling a short match. Notice anything different about me?

Lucky Charms?

Monday, June 8th, 2009

Yeah, you’re right. Religion and Mysticism isn’t totally stupid. Why, you could be infused with your beliefs that you could tear up the artificial turf at a soccer stadium to plant magical lucky charms under the turf!

Is what you do any less stupid?