Seriously

Ok, can I be totally honest with the readership of www.almightyray.com for 5 seconds?

Life would be 10 times easier if I was gay.

Seriously, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, I get hit on by gay men roughly every other minute. If I was just gay myself, I am convinced I would have every bill paid, every debt settled, and my way to superstardom would already be in progress. There is just one problem with this way of thinking…

I’m not gay.

Fuck, there always has to be something to screw it all up. I mean, I am into the ladies, but constantly I am faced with indifference to above topic, yet it’s the gay men that are always there, ready to pounce! I mean for real, if I could just get over this hang up of not being interested in gay sex I swear my life would be way easier!

Once again the other day I was confronted with said topic. I was a rep of my restaurant at the local chamber of commerce meeting (look for my picture in the local paper) when a nice fellow struck up a conversation with me. instantly I thought something weird was up, and then when I thought about the whole thing later I got the rest of the picture. Gay men love me, they want me, I apparantly am a commodity to them, if only the classy, kind single women in the Redondo Beach area would understand what the men already knew my life would be 10 times easier.

But sadly life does not work like that. The men all want my hot bod, but the ladies don’t give 2 shits to the wind. I mean, seriously, is it any wonder that all the good ones are either gay or taken? Message to the ladies, you all had your chance when they were straight, but it was your lack of interest that made them gay!!! So stop crying over the monster that you personally created.

I swear to God, one of these days I’m just going to hypothetically turn gay, just to see 15 different women that I would have absolutely wanted to get with turn and say, ‘ugh, that Ray guy is so amazing, why are the good ones gay?’ And then I will punch somebody in the face because seriously, what the fuck!?!?!?!?!?

Anyways, shit gets annoying, maybe it’s funny, but that makes it no less annoying to me. Why must I be so beautiful…….TO MEN???

-Ray

2 Responses to “Seriously”

  1. Dr. Ludlam Says:

    I heard Spider man is gay for you, too. Maybe it’s the pheromones. You’ve seen “Heroes”, right? You’re like that guy that emits radiation and causes EMPs. Except for you it’s the gay-attractant.

    That’s my theory, anyway. It’s not that gay men are attracted to you, it’s that men you meet turn gay because of you. You should use this power for good. Maybe pay a visit to Pat Robertson sometime.

  2. dnowell Says:

    Here I always assumed that you were gay…Maybe you should stop hitting on me!

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