Oh That Ray

Ok, so this is an idea that I had about a decade ago, but the fires never die in some cases.

My dream was to be some type of recognisable personality, like one of those people who is famous just for being famous.

Invariably each and every one of those people will get their own TV show.

So my dream was to take that opportunity and totally and ironically piss all over it.

My show would be called “Oh that Ray” and would air on the CW despite having nothing to do with living in the city or being a 15 year old girl. The whole thing would be done in black and white. it would also be a series of silent films in the classic style of Charlie Chaplin. During each episode I play a different hopeless character who is down on his luck. With the whole thing being silent everyone would have to act in the style of the 1920′s and 30′s with broad motions and big actions interceded by flashed dialogue cards to let people know where the story is. In each episode I would be trying to save a kitten from a tree, or depositing a check when I get my hand stuck in a door and someone else comes in and robs the place and I spend the episode trying to extracate myself from the situation. The end of each episode will be the same though. The camera will pull back from some hijinks and become an over the shoulder shot behind a B-list celebrity, like Adam West or Kadeem Hardison, and the celebrity in question on cue will turn and face the camera and say ‘Oh that Ray’. So that will be the only speech in the entire show. Roll credits.

My plan is for ‘Oh that Ray’ to air 4 of the 6 episodes that get made and then get yanked and cancelled. However, and this is the exciting part, about 10-15 years later we will release the whole series on DVD or Blue Ray or whatever and put sick amounts of money into advertising it, so that for a month of time you can’t sneeze without hitting an ad for the DVD set. This will lead to many many stupid impressionable people buying the set. These are the kinds of people who have like 15 kids each and use TV to babysit them.

So now about 25 years after that all these moron kids who were products of moron parents will have grown up watching my show and thinking it is brilliant. So right about this time I come back to TV after being broke my whole life. This time though as a TV preacher looking for donations! I figure I’ll be popular in the dumb circles and these kids will have just started making money, they will create and support a new media empire and I will take over the world!!!

I mean, it’s a thought.

-Ray

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