While watching the Maury show…

I am left with all kinds of thoughts.

First off let me just state for the record that Maury has the best show on TV today. Every weekday out here in LA I get to watch it twice with 2 different episodes! No other show offers the gambit of real human drama and suspense, it’s like Shakespeare for our modern times. You have betrayal, forbidden love, rage, and sometimes midgets.

Here are some thoughts about some of the situations/people I have seen.

1) People have a strange idea of what love is
By this I mean you have guys that come on the show to admit having multiple affairs with girlfriend’s best friends. Maury asks the obvious question, “Do you still want to be with your girlfriend?” To which the guy says, “Oh yeah, I love her, she means everything to me.” I always have the same thought, “If you’ve been with this person for 3-5 years, you have a kid with them, and they actually mean everything to you, then why the fuck would you go out and cheat on them?” This just blows my mind. Here you got someone in tears just thinking about telling their lover that they are cheating, crying and crying and saying ‘they mean the world to me’. Well, obviously not or you would have kept your pants on!

2) Fat chicks cheat too
this is bizarre to me. I love it when you have some 350 pound hulking monstrosity of a woman on stage, and she is there to tell her decent enough looking man that she has been cheating. Same is true with some of these heinous looking chicks/dudes that come on. I always think, ‘Damn bitch, you are ugly as sin, you should just be happy that you have a man in the first place! How are you going to go out and cheat on him, he’s already doing you a favor by being with your ass in the first place!”

3) Boot Camp solves everything
This is great, about once a week Maury does a show about out of control teenage girls. They could be drinking, doing drugs, prostituting, engaging in group sex, or just trying to have a baby at a young age. No matter what their problem is they always go through the same cure-all formula; Get sat down by Maury, have Mom cry next to you, chick who got shot or something comes out to tell you that you’re on a path to destruction, A large black man comes out and yells at you, then finally you are taken off to either Boot Camp or Jail. This is the most amazing formula ever, because it totally breaks the spirit of everyone it touches, and they change into new people overnight. I already know that when I have kids if they give me any crap I plan on inviting a large black man to come over and yell at them, before sending them to stay in jail overnight, I don’t care if they just broke the cookie jar, that is what they will get!

4) There are some great parents out there
they just did a bump for tomorrow’s episode of Maury, it involves morbidly obese babies. One mother of a fat kid says, “Of course I give all the junk food my baby wants to her.” Then cut to the same mother in tears saying, “I just don;t know what to do.” I have an idea what to do you dumbass, fucking be a parent and say NO! God I wish that there was a reversable vasectomy/tube-tying that we get at birth, where you have to apply to get it undone later in life. Maybe have to take a class, pass a series of rigorous tests, hey if it prevents the torrid path to group retardation that we are currently traveling, is it really such a bad idea?

Ok, that’s all i got now, maybe I’ll revisit this topic later, cause there is so much to learn from this tremendous show!

-Ray

One Response to “While watching the Maury show…”

  1. Dr. Ludlam Says:

    I am always amused by the complete lack of understanding of genetics and all the denial-of-paternity on that show. A guy will be up there, saying no way, that fattie is a skanky hoe, and besides, there’s no WAY the kid could be his because…

    - His father had three sons, and he himself has two sons, which definitively proves that he is genetically incapable of fathering a daughter.
    - That baby’s hair is blonde, his hair is brown.
    - That baby has huge ears, his are little cauliflower dealies.
    - That baby likes milk. He fucking hates milk.

    Apparently, the bottom of the barrel are arrogant enough to believe that their own genetic material is so potent that any child they sire must resemble them in every way, essentially creating little tiny clones, and there’s no WAY the mother’s attributes or a recessive gene could have any impact whatsoever.

    I also like when a girl who’s been on the show five times looking for the father of her baby says “there’s no one else, it couldn’t be anyone else!”. Well, Halle-fucking-lujah, the Christ child reappears in modern times. Congratulations, time to take vengeance on all those apostates with the Fisher Price terrible swift sword! ™

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