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So, as we all know, the genius behind Dungeons and Dragons has passed away.

I wrote a tribute sketch/song in honor of him and D&D nerds everywhere. Know that when I say nerds, I say so with knowing love.

If you plan on coming to see Big News tonight I might suggest not reading this cause it might ruin some of the joy for you. That being said…

Enjoy;

D&D Guy
By: Ray Stakenas

(Nerds are in the basement playing Dungeons and Dragons)

Dungeonmaster:
Ok, so you guys enter the town of Ravenloft, and there is a chill that fills the air. What do you want to do?

Barbarian Nerd:
Let’s go to the tavern and get drunk and hit on chicks!

Wizard Nerd:
Oh please, if you spent as much time hitting on chicks in real life as you do in the game you may actually have kissed a girl by now.

Barbarian Nerd:
Um, excuse me, it’s my character that is hitting on chicks, cause that’s what Barbarians do. Whereas I, in real life, do not have need of such earthly concerns.

Female Nerd:
Whatever guys, let’s just find the king of town and see what mission he has for our group.

Dungeonmaster:
Ok, so you find the king of town and he says, um, hold on, that dialogue is here somewhere. (Reading in fakey voice) Greetings travelers, and welcome to Ravenloft. Before I say anymore though there is one thing you all must know.

Other Nerd: (Entering)
Guys, Gary Gygax is dead!

(Consternation)

Dungeonmaster:
What? No, it can’t be. Gary Gygax is the genius behind Dungeons and Dragons, he can’t leave us!

Wizard Nerd:
Don’t worry about it guys, I’m a level 16 cleric, I can just resurrect him.

Female Nerd:
That’s in the game you retard, this is real life.

Wizard Nerd:
Come on Elfstar, stay in character, real life sucks.

Female Nerd:
I don’t want to be Elfstar, I want to be Debbie!

Barbarian Nerd:
Guys, guys, GUYS! Debbie is right. We need to face this sadness head on.

Dungeon Master:
Yes, that is the healthy thing to do. Let’s get all our feelings out. . . IN SONG!

(American Pie starts to play)

Dungeon Master:
A long long time ago
In an underground Dungeon lair
Our heroes were under an attack
Facing off with mighty trolls
They’d all be dead if not for rolls
Lots of twenties, and the baddies, all pulled back.

Wizard Nerd:
But right before we could defeat it
Pizza arrived, we stopped to eat it
Smoking break on the deck
Off topic chat on Star Trek

Female Nerd:
Remembered we were still mid game
And there was much treasure to claim
What a great epic campaign
Well worth, being told, I’m lame.

All:
So, Bye bye Mr. D&D Guy
We had amazement in the basement
When we’re just rollin dice
We’ve never been laid
A level up will suffice
Singing, Thank you for the game of my life
Thank you for the game of my life

Other Nerd:
Did you know This RPG
Created way back in ‘70
Is in the gaming hall of fame?
Have you heard of Dahlia
My girlfriend who lives in Canada
You’ll never meet her, what a shame

Barbarian Nerd:
Well I can tell you all what THACO means
And I, slay dragons in my dreams
And I don’t sleep it’s true
Cause I just drink Mountain Dew

Dungeon Master:
Ooo, so we gather down here every Friday night
With fantasy battles of dark and light
We all know who brought us delight
Oh yes, it was Gygax
We started singin’

All:
Bye bye Mr. D&D Guy
We had amazement in the basement
When we’re just rollin dice
We’ve never been laid
A level up will suffice
Singing, Thank you for the game of my life
Thank you for the game of my life

Mom: (Yelling from offstage)(Music cuts out)
Hey, you guys be quiet down there. Some people in this house gotta work in the morning! Geez!

Dungeon Master:
Sorry Mom!

All: (Quietly)(Music comes back quiet, the last part of the song)
Bye bye Mr. D&D Guy
We had amazement in the basement
When we’re just rollin dice
We’ve never been laid
A level up will suffice
Singing, Thank you for the game of my life

(scene)

-Ray

Ps. Steal this sketch which was copyrighted by me on 3-6-08 and know that I will kill you, and use your bones to butter my bread. Better than that: Why not give me a job???

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 9th, 2008 at 2:44 pm and is filed under Acting Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.