Sorry Texas Ladies…

I made a realization last night while in my sickly haze.

I do not think I could ever date a female who hailed from the great state of Texas.

I’ve just noticed that young ladies from Texas and me just plain do not jive together. They don’t get me, and I don’t get them. This is not to say anything disparaging about the lovely young Texan ladies. It’s just that in this, they are totally wrong, because I am awesome.

I don;t know for sure what it is. But Texans don’t seem to understand the language of sardonic biting wit. There is a certain thing that Midwesterners have in common, and that is a sassy, sarcastic way about them. I think it’s a gene that you acquire through drinking Faygo and plowing snow.

But when I am my typical charming self around delightful Texans, I tend to get strange blank stares. It’s as if I just tried to explain thermodynamics in Chinese to them. there is a polite smile, and a quick departure.

Also, why aren’t Texans ever in a hurry to do anything? Whether it be walking, speaking, or thinking, I’ve noticed that those folks never seem to be able to get to where it is they are trying to go with any expediency at all. You ever been to a theme park with a Texan? It’s death. Slow, slow, meandering death. I think you get to go on like, 2 rides before the sun goes down. They don’t want to do the activities that the theme park would lay out for you. No, they just want to wander around the park and look at things with a slightly agape smile. This also does not jive with me.

So, in short, I apologize to all the Texan ladies out there. But I don’t get you, and you clearly do not get me. This is a shame, because Texas women I’ve heard are the tallest in the country, and that is awesome. But sadly it will never be. Ah well, at least the Canadians still love me.


2 Responses to “Sorry Texas Ladies…”

  1. Texas Girl Says:

    Greetings “Almighty Ray”-

    As a Texas girl myself, I find it incredibly disheartening reading your post. The women in Texas are amazing and it’s quite sad really that because you got rejected by a girl from Texas, you decided to lash out at all of them. (I mean this has to be the reason you wrote the post. Come on, some beautiful girl didn’t get your creepy wit, as you call it, and you slammed all Texas girls.) I wouldn’t expect someone from Detroit to get Texas women. You see, us southern girls have an actual sense of humor, one where we don’t have to say awkward things and hope people get what we mean.

    Now to address the matter of not being in a hurry. Again, someone from Detroit wouldn’t understand the notion of savoring the good things in life by taking your time. Believe me, I have seen you in action and you definitely don’t take your time. I’ve never been so rushed in my life. I just hope for your sake that you don’t rush everything – otherwise, no girls whether from Texas or not, will want to hang around.

    Lastly, I want to say thank you for your post. While I felt it was necessary to respond on behalf of my fellow Texas women, you have clearly identified the type of man we never will find attractive. And when it comes to identifying the loser men out there, we need all the help we can get. So thank you!

  2. Almighty Ray Says:

    And….expected and approved!

    Not much needs to be restated here. But for the record, I have never been rejected by a Texas chick. You cannot be rejected by a group that you have already decided is not good enough for you.

    Your other statements pretty much establish what I’ve been talking about, and go to show why I would never get with a Texas lady. Thanks!


    PS. Did the second paragraph of the above comment sound kinda stalkery to anyone else? ‘Seen me in action?’ Sounds like someone is upset that I don’t want THEM! Hmm, just sayin’.

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