Fun with stats

So, you may or not be aware, but my site tracks it’s users. That is correct, internet cookies etc. Which means when you visit my website, send me and e-mail, or post a comment, it tracks your IP address meaning I can find out who you are.

Exciting stuff. I think the coolest feature of my personal stats page it creates is the search query report. What that is, is a list of things that people typed into various search engines and then got directed to my site. It actually catalogues what people were looking for when they found me. I find this awesome, cause it often times is bizzare. I’d like to devote this blog to the #1 queries leading to this website month by month for 2006….

JANUARY: Warhammer 40k
Well, this makes sense to me. I very often get people searching for the popular tabletop game Warhammer 40k and finding me. Mainly because on my old had a nice 40k area to it with pictures and army lists. I can dig it, it’s a cool game. Recently I found out some of my pictures of my pink space marines have been making the rounds on various internet forums, of course giving no mention of me, blech.

FEBRUARY: Warhammer 40k
Wow, and it’s not even close, at least once per day on average somebody found my site while looking for 40k stuff. Nothing much more to add, let’s move on.

MARCH: Warhammer 40k
Heh, ok, I’ll admit when I came up with this premise I didn’t realise that it would be this one sided. What is crazy is that ranks 2-6 of these months are all 40k stuff too worded differently. Although ‘Almighty Ray’ tends to make appearances as well.

APRIL: Commander Keen
Whew, finally Warhammer 40k falls from the top spot. Granted Commander Keen is the name of the leader of my pink marines, so therefore it’s still 40k related. That being said, I am sure most people looking are looking for Commander Keen the old ass video game. Anyone else remember in Doom2 when the secret rooms had Commander Keen hanging from the ceiling and you had to shoot him and kill him to move on? Good stuff.

MAY: Wresting Almighty Ray
Rock the hell on, people must remember my brilliant pro wrestling career! Or at least they found me mentioned on Wikepedia! Notable mentions of queries have to go to “when should i get my hip replaced”, “you got to be a stupid mothafucka to get fired on yo day off”, and “toilet whore”. Yes, those are all actual things people typed in search engines and somehow found my site and came to it.

JUNE: Fuck
Is this site really that foul? Do I swear too much? Can it be true that people can simply type in the word ‘Fuck’ and mine is the site that grabs their attention? If so I say awesome!

JULY: Commander Keen
Dang it, now we are back to Commander Keen getting all the press. If you want to see what he looks like, check out the link on the right site of this page for ‘The Old” His pic is right on the front page. He rules. Special mention must go out to the query “Fuck Truck”. Fuck Truck has been in the top 5 the past few months, and I am at a loss to explain why. I understand why it would lead people here, but why are people typing fuck truck in search engines anyways? What the hell are they looking for? People boning in a truck? A truck that gets it on? Some guy humping an F-150? I just don’t know, but the fact that people continually find me through typing that leads me to feel sad about my audience, but so it goes, I love you all equally.

So there you go, a little glance behind the scenes at, hope it was enlightening. I am going on vacation in a few days, so you’ll have to go a little while without updates, if you are all very lucky I will post a follow up to my wildly popular ‘For the Ladies’ column this weekend, or maybe I won’t, depends how hateful I am feeling.


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