Posts Tagged ‘crime tyme’

Thoughts on RAW

Monday, October 20th, 2008

Ok, I’m just getting around to watching last week’s WWE RAW this afternoon, and I again have a few thoughts on the show;

Chris Jericho is just awesome. He has found the new Jericho character and is just crushing with it. The stipulation of picking Batista’s opponent and vice verse is a pretty good one.

Cyber Sunday is an interesting idea. And by interesting I mean ‘Way to bilk the viewers out of 99 cents per text they send in to vote’.

Charlie Haas sucks. He is not funny. The Hulk Hogan bit tonight was just sad. I mean, it might have been funny, if we had not seen it already done like 900 times before this. Not just that, but Haas did a Jim Ross bit a while ago, and was I the only one wondering why that was OK but the WCW ‘Oklahoma’ character was not kosher? It was the same damn thing!

Anyways, Haas needs to join Kenny Dykstra on the ‘People who need to get off my TV’ list. This impression of more talented wrestlers bit is not working, maybe it would with a more entertaining person doing it. But you can’t take crap in a bag, put a bow on the bag, and try to sell it to me as anything other than crap in a bag.

Might I also add that Michael Cole is not a good actor. That being said when he is made to say/do something not genuine to himself, it comes off as weak. So when he is forced to laugh at the Charlie Haas ‘Comedy’ and talk about how funny it is, it reads untrue. This only adds to the annoyance I feel while watching it, and makes Michael Cole look stupid. I understand that credibility is probably a silly thing to ask for in a pro wrestling announcer, but don’t piss on my shoes and tell me it’s raining.

Why is Johnny Knoxville on RAW? And why won’t he take off his sunglasses? Is it too bright inside in the arena? And way to get ‘celebrities’ whose star burnt out 4 years ago. Does he still even have a show anymore? And to pair him with The Great Khali? Seriously? That’s like throwing up on a puddle of urine. If we are all lucky Khali will kill him like he did that guy from his wrestling school.

ECW was the highest rated show on the Sci Fi network on Tuesday night! Oh wow! That’s like being the least retarded of Sarah Palin’s kids.

How do people watch this show without a FF button? In the last 20 minutes I’ve gotten a commercial break, a John Cena is injured package, and then a boring Randy Orton promo, followed by another commercial break. I cannot believe that that was the highest rated 15 minute segment of the show.

Maybe it’s old news by now, but I am so happy that Shawn Michaels came back. Ok ok that happened years ago, but I just started watching again this year, and it still has magic for me. There was a pretty long period of time back when I watched last where I thought that I would never see an HBK match ever again. HBK is a joy to watch, and saying that does not make me gay, I don’t think.

Hey look it’s William Regal as a lumberjack! Remember when he was a huge star on this show and the world title picture did not seem out of the question? No? Cause it was only like, a few months ago.

This HBK/Batista match is a classic example of one wrestler walking another through a match. HBK sets up Batista for his next move, Batista takes a moment to understand what is going on, then follows through, lather rinse repeat. How long have you been wrestling Dave? Isn’t it about time that you do not need your opponent to hold your hand and walk you through the entire match?

Random thought just hit me; WWE has WAY too many titles. I am having a hard time thinking of a program going on right now that does not involve a title, and come to think of it, there are titles out there that do not even have a program going on for them right now! Let’s think about this for a sec;
We have a World Title, a Secondary Title, a Women’s Title, and Tag titles FOR EACH SHOW. Add to that an ECW title and that makes 11 belts spread through 2.5 shows. I mean, there are what, 20 wrestlers on RAW and Smackdown, with maybe 15 more on ECW? That makes 11 title holders out of 55 wrestlers. so 20% of all the wrestlers are champions of some kind. This makes being a champion very not special, and the fact that it would seem everyone on the roster has held some title of some kind at one point adds to this effect. In wrestling, titles are a prop, this should be known by now. But that being said the prop has no effect if it’s passed around like the one chick in the D&D group. They at minimum need to cut it down to a singular tag team champion duo, and a singular women’s champion. Cause let’s be honest, people do not give 2 farts to the wind about the extra title holders. Can you name both show’s tag champs and women’s champs without having to think? That’s what I thought, it means nothing already, hack it down to make it special.

Someone get that T-shirt off of Bam Neely, he looks freaking horrible with it on. Look, you are either a menacing, impressive presence or you are not. You cannot be a bodyguard if you need to be hidden by a T-shirt. So either get him into the gym so he can take his shirt off without embarrassing himself, or get him the hell off my TV.

Santino Marella is a joy. His pairing with Beth Phoenix is inspired. The character of the wrestler who needs his girlfriend to beat people up for him is always an entertaining one, and these 2 pull off the angle with style and grace and artistry.

Oh my God, Johnny Knoxville sucks. Can’t even take a bodyslam??? I taught an improv comedian how to take one in 2 minutes at a party once. Granted when it finally came to fruition and I slammed him in a real ring he needed time to recover from the impact. But don’t worry about that, Knoxville sucks at life and now he adds to that by sucking as a wrestler.

And now we have man junk from untalented douchebags all over the ring. Remind me again why this is a good idea?


And now he is gone and replaced by the black hole of fan interest: The Great Khali.

And Knoxville bangs his head violently on the canvas taking a bump. What a dumbass. Who ‘Trained’ him for this bit? The year 2003?

Crime Tyme is crazy over with the live crowds. PT Barnum once said that ‘Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American People‘.

Miz and Morrison rule. Jillian might have a stupid gimmick with the bad singing thing, but it does get over, so no shame there.

Remind me again what the difference between Kelly Kelly and Michelle McCool is again? Cause I can’t tell one from another without buying a program first.

WTF was the point of that move??? Kelly Kelly just grabbed Jillian by the right hand, beat her with kicks and punches before taking her to the corner where she jumped up the ropes one at a time to land on the top rope, do a back flip, then reverse the hold (which she was applying) into a clothesline. Couldn’t she have just simply given her a clothesline without all that needless jumping around? FUCK, that is what’s wrong with wrestlers today in one short breath.

15 years ago Crime Tyme would have been the biggest heels in WWE(F), today they are crazy over as faces, just to show where wrestling crowds are at nowadays. It’s the same reason why my dick cheating heel character I do keeps getting over as a face with the crowds so I have to turn everywhere I go eventually. I think someone smarter than me could write a thesis on this.

Seeing Jericho with that gigantic title belt around his waist makes me tear up a little each time I see it.

Does Role Models look like the shittiest movie since American Pie: The Naked Mile? I mean, give me one reason why I am not supposed to see that little black kid as anything but a colossal asshole? He talks shit, breaks things, ruins people’s days, then lies about it to their face. I guess in today’s society that makes him a babyface champion. Ugh.

Hmm, CM Punk? I like CM Punk, but I guess I was hoping for some ‘out of the box’ booking here. No offense, but Ultimate Warrior would have popped the crowd more. And Batista is special guest ref? Huh? Why? I get why Jericho was able to change up his hand picked match earlier, but why does Big Dave get to make his own stipulations again?

Holy crap, I get it, Batista has a wycked tattoo on his back, but do I need him to wear a ref shirt with a giant hole in the back to remind me? The damn thing looks like a hospital gown. And might I add that there is NOTHING in this world more manly and menacing than a hospital gown!!!

CM Punk VS. Chris Jericho was entertaining, despite Batista as ref. Who knew that if you take 2 talented wrestlers and let them wrestle, that the result would be something worth watching?


Show is over, thumbs wavering down on the whole show, there is just too much stupid and pointless to overtake the awesome and brilliant going on right now.