So, I’m trying to watch my DVR recording of WWE Smackdown tonight, when my viewing felt very short.
Maybe because there was very little to actually watch on the show.
I fast forwarded until 34 minutes into the show to finally find something worth watching. I mean, I could watch a 30 minute HHH promo where he puts himself over instead of the people he’s supposed to elevating, but why bother? He’s been doing the same promo for like a decade now, if you can’t paint it by the numbers, I question how long you have been watching WWE. I thought I saw Jeff Hardy in there somewhere, let me guess, HHH was snarky to him. I did not watch it, I just assume that happened, and somewhere in there Jeff tried to talk but failed.
Let me also say that I watch the matches, I could give a crap less about the same old promos that they shove down our throats each and every week. So every time I see someone in the ring with a mic, I usually just FF them unless their name is Chris Jericho.
Anyways, i skipped the same boring HHH promo and for my own sanity I skipped over the womens match because they are also universally unwatchable. I swear to God nothing exposes the business like a WWE women’s match, especially one that involves anyone not named Beth Phoenix or Mickey James. In this case it is the team of Maryse, Victoria, and Natalya vs. the team of Auto Zone, McDonalds, and Pirates of the Caribbean Online! Oh wait, it’s the team of Michelle McCool, Maria, and Brie Bella. In other words FAST FUCKING FORWARD!!!
For the record, I did not think anyone could be more horrible than Maria in the ring. . . then I saw a Brie Bella match. Dear God, if they care so little about the business why don’t we just show the workers talking about the matches ahead of time on TV as well? that would expose the busniess less than Brie Bella in the ring.
Now here we are, 34 minutes in, and the most watchable thing so far is a match between Chavo Guerrero and R (Don’t call me K-Kwik even though I suck like him) Truth. And that match while entertaining goes to a lame DQ. Now Bam Neely turns on Chavo! Now I hit the FF button!
Hey look it’s HHH making snarky comments towards Shelton Benjamin! God willing he puts him over as real competition, I mean, who’d want to see HHH in a match that contains fan interest? Obviously not HHH.
Now we are 45 minutes into the show, and Jesse and Festus show up to be actually entertaining. Let’s see Kenny Dykstra cut a promo! Yay! Remind me again why they give a mic to jobbers again? And we get a squash match that ends with no decision, cause who wants that? Jesse and Festus duct tape Dykstra to a movers dolly and they cart him off. Umm, Ok, people get paid to write this correct? I guess monkeys need work too.
Wow, now we get a whole segment devoted to flashbacks of a PPV that I was not interested enough to buy. Yay!
Wow, I hear there will be a fatal 4 way match to determine who will face HHH at the next PPV! Hmm, 3 midcard heels and Jeff Hardy, wonder what will happen?!
Here we are at 1:09 into the show and we finally get something actually watchable. Vladamir Kozlov is awesome. He is an old school style wrestler who crushes people and does not need 20 minute promos to get over. The rest of the roster should take notes. Sadly I am guessing this is the highpoint of the show, and when the highpoint is a squash, you gots you some problems.
Hey look, it’s HHH acting snarky to The Brian Kendrick! God willing he put him over as legitimate competition, or anyone for that matter. Ah well he owns the company in a few years, let him do what he wants.
Wait, the tag team champs are seriously Edge’s jobber friends? Wow, that makes me sad. And they are facing Carlito and his less interesting, less talented brother? Well, I got 2 letters for this match; FF.
Hey look, it’s HHH acting snarky towards MVP! God willing he make any up and coming performer look like legitimate competiton. Hey wait, have I made similar comments before? Wow, major Deja Vu!
Now we have a fatal 4 way match that I am guessing will take about 10 minutes more to get started! And we go to commercial before it does.
And now the match starts! And now we go quickly to ANOTHER commercial. Awesome, just once I’d like to see them go to commercial in the middle of one of the many boring HHH ‘I’m so much better than you’ promos so that the matches could get full time, that would be the day.
And we’re back! And it’s a midcard heels beat up Jeff Hardy match! If only the 3 heels involved were not so much more talented than Jeff Hardy. I mean, they might have more talent and future, but at least they don’t cause as many problems outside the ring as Jeff Hardy! Hey wait, why are they pushing Jeff Hardy instead of any of these 3 again?
MVP vs. Shelton is highly watchable and interesting, sad that nobody in the crowd seems to care.
I like how when Jeff Hardy goes for one of these lame high risk moves that are pretty much all he does, JR has to inform us that the move connected EVERY TIME. You know, cause our own eyes that saw it clearly miss are obviously not working.
Oh, what are the odds? Jeff Hardy won! Congrats Jeff, I hope you have a good time putting HHH over on the next PPV, that is if you can stay off the meth long enough to not get suspended first.
And now Vladamir Kozlov comes in to make me happy and just BRUTALIZES Jeff Hardy!!!
Well, that was a just God awful show with a happy ending.
Why do they call Smackdown the B-Show again? Oh yeah, this is why.